MAN #1
In a cave many miles to the south
Lives a boy born with fangs in his mouth.
Sleeping until the fading light,
Flying through bloody dreams;
When he awakes the summer night is filled with screams.

WOMEN
You have heard he was born in the bogs.
That he feeds on the flies and the frogs.

MAN #2
You call him "Beast" or "Changeling";

MAN #3
Or "Demon Chimpanzee";

MAN #4
But we will prove he's no such thing:

ALL
He's much like me! And me!
Oh, hold me, Bat Boy! Touch me, Bat Boy!
Help me through the night.
Love me, Bat Boy! Save me, Bat Boy!
Make it all turn out all right!

MAN #2
He was dragged from his home and thrown down
At the edge of a coal mining town.

MAN #5
They stripped him of his dignity,

MAN #1
They beat him like a gong.

MAN #3
And he was kicked repeatedly,

ALL
And that was wrong! So wrong!
Oh Hold the Bat Boy-

WOMAN
Won't you hold him!

ALL
Touch the Bat Boy-

WOMAN
Won't you touch him!

ALL
Bring him to the light!

WOMAN
Bring him to the light!

ALL
Love the Bat Boy-

WOMAN
Won't you love him!

ALL
Save the Bat Boy-

WOMAN
Somebody save him!

ALL
Make it all turn out all right!
Would no one defend him, protect him, befriend him,
would none hear his cry?

WOMAN
Yeah, would none hear his cry, y'all?

ALL
Or would they detest him, arrest him, molest him?

WOMAN #4
Or just let him die?

ALL
You can't just stand by.

MAN #5
He has suffered and now it's your turn.
You are here not to laugh; but to learn.

WOMAN #4
Listen to his ungodly shriek,
Watch what they put him through.

MEN
Heed the tale of a filthy freak-

ALL
Who's just like you! And you! And you! Ohhh!
Hold me Bat Boy (Hold me Bat Boy)
Touch me Bat Boy (Touch me Bat Boy)
Won't you help me through the night
Make it all turn out all right! (Make it all turn out all right!)
Love me Bat Boy (Love me Bat Boy)
Save me Bat Boy (Save me Bat Boy)
I've been calling out your name
Come and take away my shame! (Come and take away my shame!)
Hold me Bat Boy (Hold me Bat Boy)
Touch me Bat Boy (Touch me Bat Boy)
You hear me cry when no one hears,
Won't you lick away my tears!
Love me Bat Boy (Love me Bat Boy)
Save me Bat Boy (Save me Bat Boy)
Sink your fangs into my soul
Only you can make me whole!
Hold me Bat Boy
Touch me Bat Boy
Hold me in your arms tonight!

↑ Return to Top ↑

(Bat Boy is shreiking)

SHERIFF
Evening folks!

SHELLEY
Whatcha got?

SHERIFF
Doctor home?

MEREDITH
No, he's not.

SHERIFF
When's he back?

MEREDITH
An hour or so.

SHELLEY
The heck is that?

SHERIFF
Well, I don't know.

MEREDITH
What in the world?

SHELLEY
Where did you find?

MEREDITH
What is he doing?

SHELLEY
He's out of his mind!

MEREDITH
Is he in pain?

SHELLEY
Is he insane?

SHERIFF
Maybe and possibly, let me explain.

(Sheriff knocks Bat Boy down with his pistol.)

MEREDITH, SHELLEY
No!

SHERIFF
Aw, heck. Maybe I shouldn'tve done that.
But that boy was hoppin' like a scalded dog.

MEREDITH
Boy?

SHERIFF
Maybe. Frankly, that's why I'm here. I figure maybe we need a veterinarian to sort this out. I'm hoping Dr. Parker will know what to do. I didn't know where else to take him...

SHELLEY
Mom!

MEREDITH
Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF
Can't go to jail, he's underage.

SHELLEY
Mom!

MEREDITH
Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF
Folks up at the Med School, bet they'd carve him up or bake him.
I'd send the FBI a page, but I don't think we're at that stage-
So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creepin' on all fours.
We could always shoot him but that don't seem right to me.
'N I can't rid myself o' my Christian Charity.

SHELLEY
Can we see him?

MEREDITH
Shelley- get away!

SHERIFF
You listen to your mother, Shelley. You don't want to be near if it wakes up. It bit one of the Taylor kids.

MEREDITH
Shelley, don't stare- Shelley, don't poke.
What is this, sheriff, some kind of sick joke?

SHELLEY
Mom, he's so gross! Mom, can he stay?

SHERIFF
Shel, I was hopin' you'd see it that way.
I'm comin' up for re-election.

SHELLEY
Mom!

MEREDITH
Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF
I gotta bring this thing to heel.

SHELLEY
Mom!

MEREDITH
Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF
A boy with his complexion's gonna meet with some objections,
'N I think I know how folks will feel once they hear this "Bat Child" is for real.

SHELLEY
It's a bat child? MOM! We gotta keep it!

MEREDITH
All right, sheriff. Dr. Parker has some cages. I'll take care of the boy for you.

SHERIFF
Ah, that's great, Meredith. I can't thank you enough for the favor.
And if he turns into a pain,
Call me, I've got stun guns and a chain.

SHELLEY
Whoa!

MEREDITH
Oh!

SHERIFF

(overlapping)

So here he is folks, he's all yours.
I couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
We may have to put him down-

MEREDITH

(overlapping)

Don't stare, Shelley- please don't poke.
Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke.

SHELLEY

(overlapping)

Mom! Look at him! I know but Mom...
Look at him! What's wrong with him?

ALL
For now we'll wait and see!

SHERIFF AND MEREDITH
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.

SHERIFF

(overlapping)

So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
Those thunderclouds are closing in-

MEREDITH

(overlapping)

Don't stare, Shelley, please don't poke.
Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke!

SHELLEY

(overlapping)

Mom!
Mom!

ALL
We can't just let him be.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.

SHELLEY
Mom!

MEREDITH
Shelley, quiet!

↑ Return to Top ↑

(Bat Boy is shrieking)

SHELLEY
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! shutupshutupshutupshutup!
Such an ugly boy...

MEREDITH
He's just different.

SHELLEY
Like a stinky bony rat.

MEREDITH
Well, you wanted to keep him.

SHELLEY
I didn't know he'd look like that!

MEREDITH
Shelley!

SHELLEY
Well, look at him!

(Thunder clap)

MEREDITH
Oh my, its going to be quite a storm.

SHELLEY
Stupid starving freak.

MEREDITH
Shelley, that's not nice.

SHELLEY
Doesn't have the sense to eat.

MEREDITH
We just haven't figured out what he needs.

SHELLEY
Dropping dead right at my feet.

MEREDITH
Shelley!

SHELLEY
Just look at him...

MEREDITH
He's just... tired.

SHELLEY
That's my mom. See, she cries ev'ry time a stray dog dies.

MEREDITH
Well, I feel bad for them.

SHELLEY
No one calls.

MEREDITH
Sure they call...

SHELLEY
No one claims.

MEREDITH
Sometimes...

SHELLEY
So we put them down and never learn their names...

MEREDITH
Well, we can name him, sweetheart. What would you like to call him?

SHELLEY
BAT BOY.

MEREDITH
Or maybe... Edgar.

(calls to him)

Ed-gar!

BAT BOY

(looks at her)

Gggnnnnnnwwgwooo?

MEREDITH
Look! He likes that name! Edgar it is!

SHELLEY
Such an ugly boy.

MEREDITH
I'll try to make him something to eat.

SHELLEY
Guess we can't just turn him loose.

MEREDITH
Stay away from the cage.

SHELLEY
I'm afraid he'll reproduce.

↑ Return to Top ↑

RICK
Your dad's just going to kill it, right?

SHELLEY

(Shrugs)

So watcha wanna do tonight?

RICK
Hey there little freak
You remember me?
We were never introduced properly
Hey, you gonna cry?
You don't look so tough
By the light of day
But we ain't gonna murder you right away
First we gonna buy you lots o' fancy clothes!
And make you clip your toes!
And watch you walk around in makeup and pantyhose!

SHELLEY
We gonna take you back
Out by the railroad track

RICK AND SHELLEY
And leave your body for the dogs as a midnight snack

RICK
Your papa was a pig!

SHELLEY
Your mama was a snake!

RICK
We're gonna snap you like a twig and dump you in the lake!

SHELLEY
We gonna chain your arm
To an atomic bomb
And make you take your grandmama to the senior prom!

(Shelley makes hip-hop stratching noises, or tries anyway)

What?

RICK
Dude, you are so hot.

(to Bat Boy)

But first I'll show you what I wanna do tonight
I'm here to bounce it with my crew tonight
We'll make sweet love in front of you tonight!

SHELLEY
Ew!

RICK
Uh huh! Uh huh!
Uh huh! Uh huh!

SHELLEY
You know my mom is right upstairs tonight

RICK
That chick is fully unawares tonight
And if she catches up, who cares tonight...?

SHELLEY
Me!

RICK
Uh huh! Uh huh!

SHELLEY
Uh huh! Uh huh!

RICK
Uh huh! Uh huh!

SHELLEY
Uh huh! Uh huh!

(They make out. Bat Boy imitates their noises.)

BAT BOY
A ha a ha a ha a hah!
A ha a ha a ha a hah!

RICK
You freak! Can't you mind your own business, Bat Boy?

SHELLEY
Stay away from the cage!

RICK
What...you wanna bite me like you bit my sister? You wanna piece of me? Tough guy?...

(Bat Boy suddenly jerks his head at Rick and screams)

That little freak. Did you see that?

SHELLEY
I told you.

RICK
Why you trin' to step to me, little creep?
Are you throwin down with me, little freak?
Watcha gonna do?

SHELLEY
Rick...

RICK
Come on little coward
Let's get it on
I'm gonna make you wish you were never born!
When I'm through with you

(overlapping)

I'll show you how I spill your brain tonight!
I'll run you over like a train tonight
I'll put you in a world o' pain tonight
So come on, come on, come on, come on
I shoulda brought my loaded gun tonight!
But stompin' you will be more fun tonight!
You're gonna pay for what you done tonight!
So wooo-eeee-yaaaah!
I'm takin' out my bowie knife tonight
I'm gonna end your worthless life tonight!
I'm makin' you my prison wife tonight!
Aaaaaaaah! Come on!

SHELLEY

(overlapping)

Rick!
Stop it!
Help!
Mom!
Mom!
Help!
Mom, Rick's being a pill!
Omigod...
Mom!

↑ Return to Top ↑

MEREDITH
Poor little person with eyes so sad, where in the dark did they hide you?
What have you seen that could teach you that haunted stare?
Poor little creature, it makes me mad, to think of the childhood denied you
but give me a chance and we'll make it all right, I swear.
'Cause we're not here to harm you or make you feel ashamed.
You can make mistakes here and you won't be blamed.
So show us how to help you, and if we pull you through,
then we will find a home for you.

Home is a word that you should have learned. Home is where people accept you.
People who treat you with love, which is awfully rare.
Family's a place where your trust is earned by folks who are happy they kept you.
We'll find a family who won't let you down, I swear.
'Cause we're not here to harm you, or-

BAT BOY
Oo Oo Oo Oo Oooo

MEREDITH
Oo oo Oo oo Oo oo?

BAT BOY
Oo oo oo oo ooO.

BOTH
Oo Ooo OOO ooo Ooo ooOoo- Ooo oooO

MEREDITH
No, we're not here to harm you and make you feel ashamed,
You can make mistakes here and you won't be blamed!
So teach us how to love you, and once the night is through, then we have have a home for you.
So show me what to give you, see, look- I made a stew.
And somehow if you make it through, then this might be a home for you.

BAT BOY
Oo oo Oo Oo oo!

↑ Return to Top ↑

MAGGIE
Boys, it's time for you to wake up and smell the music. We obviously got ourselves a predicament.

BUD
All right! I admit it!
Bossie's thin as fishin' pole

NED
Bessie's flat as a flounder

ROY
Little Bonnie, God rest her soul
Was barely one quarter-pounder

BUD
I checked my bovine manual
And I find no definition

BUD AND NED
Even this revised edition
Does not mention malnutrition!

ROY
Gussie died of a hacking cough
Clara drowned in the feeding trough

ALL THREE
Why would the Lord wanna carry them off?

ALL BUT BUD
Dang!
We got another dead cow
And the rent is overdue

BUD
Dang! We got another dead cow
We're facin' poverty

ALL BUT ROY
Got another dead cow
And we're up to twenty-two

ROY
Better make that twenty-three!

ALL BUT NED
Sweet Jesus, now I'm petrified

NED
Sweet Jesus, now I'm petrified
They're gonna reposess my double-wide!

ALL
Got another dead cow
And I'm thinking of blaming -

MAGGIE
- You wanna be watching that kind of talk, let's not go there. Let's guide this train of thought back towards the depot. We gotta figure out what's wrong with these cows.

ALL
Something's making 'em
Cough and wheeze
Slowly driving them to their knees

BUD
It's gotta be some contagious disease!

ALL
A plague!

ALL BUT MAGGIE
We got another dead cow
And we don't know why they die...

MAGGIE
We got another dead cow
And we don't know why they die...
We've got to find a link

ALL BUT BUD
We got another dead cow
And apocalypse draws nigh

BUD
We got another dead cow
And apolcalypse draws nigh
You went to college, think!

ALL BUT LORRAINE
Well, something's bound to raise a flag -

LORRAINE
Like that little bat boy they found in the bag?...

(pause)

ALL
Got another dead co - ...
Got another d - ...
Got ano - ...
G - ...
Got another dead cow
But I'm tellin' you now
I am makin' a vow
By the sweat of my brow
Gonna figger out who and what and how
And why!

ROY
It is like they've been bled...

NED, MAGGIE, LORRAINE
...why...

BUD
Do you think Dr. Parker will put it down?

NED, MAGGIE, ROY, BUD
...why...

LORRAINE
Well, Dr. Parker's a good man.

BUD, MAGGIE, ROY
...why...

LORRAINE
He'll just kill it.

ALL
Why!

↑ Return to Top ↑

MEREDITH
We have to let him live. I'm begging you. As your wife.

DR. PARKER
You haven't been a wife to me in years.

MEREDITH
I could be.

DR. PARKER
...Tonight?

MEREDITH
Uh...

DR. PARKER
Tonight?

MEREDITH
...Let me get you a drink.

DR. PARKER
But there was a time, you know
When you would dance with me
Once long ago, there was love in your eyes
You were so light in my arms
We danced five hours or more
We were the last on the floor
With the sun soon to rise...
The band played one final song
And you were humming along
Oh, dance with me, darling
We haven't danced
Since I don't know when
Do you remember that song, Meredith?
Dance with me, darling
Won't you embrace me
Kiss me in case we don't meet again
I've heard a rumor
Barely a whisper
Claiming that we were through
So dance with me, darling
Show them that it's not true

MEREDITH
So you'll do it?

DR. PARKER
So you'll do it?

MEREDITH
Yes.

DR. PARKER

(to Bat Boy)

Did you hear that?
I guess that makes us "pals".
'Cause not I can't say no
Tonight she smiled at me
It just goes to show
Someone up there still cares
I prayed this day would arrive
When she'd return to my arms
Now if I keep you alive
I can join her upstairs
I see a way to proceed
So we both can get what we need.
Oh

THE VOICES IN DR. PARKER'S HEAD
Dance with me, darling
Doo dooby doo doo
Doo dooby doo...

DR. PARKER
Dance with me, darling
La da da da,
Da da da da da da da da
Oh, dance with me, darling
Da da da da da
Da da da da da
Da da da da
Surely it's more than moonlight and music
Surely it's more than wine

DR. PARKER AND VOICES
So dance with me, darling
Show them that you're still mine!

(Dr. Parker cuts the throat of the goose and pours the blood into a bowl. He forces Bat Boy's head into the bowl, making him drink deeply. Lightening. Thunder.)

VOICES
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aaaaaaahhhhh!

DR. PARKER
Surely the gods must want us together
Don't fight their grand design
No, dance with me, darling...

VOICES
Ah ah ah ah ah...

DR. PARKER
Dance with me, darling...

VOICES
Ah ah ah ah ah...

DR. PARKER
And be forever mine!

VOICES
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aaaaaaahhhhh!

↑ Return to Top ↑

RUTHIE
Monster! Monster!

MRS. TAYLOR
Hush, baby.

RUTHIE
Bat monster! Bat monster! Bat monster!

MRS. TAYLOR
Sleep little Ruthie baby no one's gonna hurt you,
Sheriff's gonna have that little freak destroyed,
Or if he's a coward and he won't protect my children,
Mama's gonna get the sheriff unemployed.
Sleep little Ruthie baby don't you fear no Bat Boy,
Mama's gonna hunt him down and bring him here.
Then you can skin him and wear him as a jacket,
and we'll string a necklace with a dried bat ear.

↑ Return to Top ↑

MEREDITH
You are such a smart boy! We'll turn you into a proper young man in no time.
Here is a cat...

BAT BOY
Hee ba za cat.

MEREDITH
There is a goose.

BAT BOY
Zi ba za goose.

MEREDITH
This is a rat.

BAT BOY
Zi bi za wat.

MEREDITH
And that is a moose.

BAT BOY
Ba ba ba ba boose.

MEREDITH
The cat crept up behind the goose but then away it flew.

BAT BOY
Flu

MEREDITH
The rat was jealous of a moose who loved a kangaroo.

BAT BOY
Ru.

MEREDITH
The cat and rat gave up and found a flat in Timbuktu.

BAT BOY
Tu.

MEREDITH
And now-

BAT BOY
And now-

MEREDITH
Review-

BAT BOY
Review-

MEREDITH
We read the whole way through!

BAT BOY
Caa, goose, Raa, moose, Kangaroow, tibuktoow!

MEREDITH
Understand?

BAT BOY
Yes I do!

MEREDITH
Good for you!
I'll show you a thing or two

BAT BOY
Two.

MEREDITH
I'll teach you to name it.

BAT BOY
Nane it.

MEREDITH
Sure its tough but you'll tame it.

BAT BOY
Tane it.

(chews book)

MEREDITH
You'll soon complete it and- wait, don't eat it.

BAT BOY
Oh.

MEREDITH
I'll show you the way its done, then I'll leave it to you.
And whaddaya know, you may show me a thing or two.

SHELLEY
Hi Mom!

MEREDITH
Hello, Shelley. How was school, dear?

SHELLEY
It was great! How's Bat Boy doing today?

MEREDITH
Edgar is coming along nicely. We were just watching Masterpeice Theatre on PBS.

SHELLEY
How do you do?

BAT BOY
How do you do?

SHELLEY
Lovely, and you?

BAT BOY
Lovely, and you?

SHELLEY
Won't you sit down?

BAT BOY
Won't you sit down?

SHELLEY
Don't mind if I do.

BAT BOY
Don't mind if I do.

SHELLEY
The weather would be perfect if it weren't quite so hot.

BAT BOY
Hot.

MEREDITH
I fear we're out of sandwiches, that butler should be shot.

BAT BOY
Shot.

SHELLEY/MEREDITH
But won't you stay the night we're having dinner on the yacht!

BAT BOY
Yacht?

MEREDITH
Now ready-

BAT BOY
What?

MEREDITH
Or not,

BAT BOY
Not!

MEREDITH
Show me what you've got.

BAT BOY
Bow deep, kiss hand, pull chair, look bland.
Pour the tea, pass the jam

MEREDITH
Are we clear?

BAT BOY
Yes, ma'am!

(Bat Boy spills the tea and all dishes go flying. He panics. Meredith calms him.)

MEREDITH
I'll show you a thing or two. Don't cry, it's okay, dear.
Rome's not built in a day, dear.

BAT BOY
Hah?

MEREDITH
A bit more schooling, a lot less drooling.

MEREDITH/SHELLEY
Easy does it, that's how its done.
Soon you'll pick up your cue,
Then whaddaya know, you may show us a thing or two!

DR. PARKER
Honey, I'm home!

SHELLEY
Hi, Daddy! How was work?

DR. PARKER
Great! How is Edgar coming along?

MEREDITH
This week's been a little rocky, dear.

SHELLEY
We're trying flash cards.

BAT BOY
Champs-Elysees?

MEREDITH
Parthenon.

BAT BOY
Great White Way?

SHELLEY
Everglades.

BAT BOY
Berlin Wall?

DR. PARKER
Autobahn.

BAT BOY
Carnegie Hall?

MEREDITH
Ice Capades.

BAT BOY
Pentagon?

SHELLEY
Golden Gate.

BAT BOY
Amazon?

DR. PARKER
Rio Grande.

BAT BOY
Taj Majal!

SHELLEY
Empire State.

BAT BOY
Wailing Wall?

MEREDITH
Disneyland.

(Bat Boy whines in defeat)

DR. PARKER
Perhaps I should have a word with the boy. Let me talk to him over here for a moment!
I'll show you a thing or two. Sure, kid, you feel weary.
Head's all fuzzy and bleary.
I know you're leery. But here's my theory.
Keep sluggin'- that's how it's done.
Soon you're bound to break through!
And whaddaya know, you may-

BAT BOY
Wait a minute!

DR. PARKER/MEREDITH
Whaddaya know, you may-

BAT BOY
I think I've got it!

DR. PARKER/MEREDITH/SHELLEY
Whaddaya know, you may-

BAT BOY
Eureka!

DR. PARKER/MEREDITH/SHELLEY
Show me!

BAT BOY
Brooklyn Bridge, Lenin's Tomb, Watergate, Rainbow Room!
Ruby Ridge, Liberty Bell, Bering Strait, Bates Motel!
Spartacus, Fargo, And Anchors Aweigh!
Love Story, Key Largo, Remains Of The Day!
Puccini, Otello, Bellini, Wayne Shorter and Elvis Costello!

SHELLEY
Mom, Edgar just finished his essay for his high school equivalency exam!

BAT BOY
I will discuss Copernicus who ruined all our fun,
And showed we're just a ball of dust that limps around the sun.
Which brings me then to Darwin, when he bent us out of shape
As he began to prove that man is nephew to an ape.
We were annoyed when Doctor Freud declared it's not a soul,
It is your blind subconsious mind that's always in control.
But I submit that any twit if he had eyes to see,
Can seize his fate; self-educate; and turn out just like me!

(All Cheer)

ALL
Shirts, shoes, pants, vest.
Can't go out there underdressed.
Collar pressed, look your best.
And won't they be impressed! 'Cause:
I'll/He'll show 'em a thing or two!
I was dirty and rowdy (rowdy)
Even dressed a bit dowdy (dowdy)
But now say:

OTHERS
Howdy!

ALL
To a summa cum laude!
I'll/He'll show 'em the way it's done!
But no applause I'm/He's not through!

BAT BOY
I'm gonna Vince Van Gogh'em

ALL
And Henry Thoreau'em

BAT BOY
And Plato-

ALL
And Cato-

BAT BOY
And Edgar Allen Poe'em

ALL
Gonna Jean Cocteau'em

BAT BOY
And Jacques Cousteau'em

ALL
Fellini-

BAT BOY
Houdini-

ALL
And Michaelangelo'em

BAT BOY
Gonna Jackie O'em

ALL
Marilyn Monroe'em

BAT BOY
Botticelli-

ALL
Machiavelli-

BAT BOY
Larry, Curly and Moe'em
And whaddaya know, once you-

ALL
Learn to crawl-ah

BAT BOY
You suddenly grow to be-

ALL
Ten feel tall-ah

BAT BOY
So buddy I'm going to-

ALL
-show 'em all a thing or two.

BAT BOY
Or two! Or two!

ALL
Show 'em a thing or two!

↑ Return to Top ↑

SHERIFF
Settle down, folks! Now, Dr. Parker, we thought maybe you could just take the boy out of town for the weekend. It's important for the revival.

DR. PARKER
I can assure all of you as a veterinarian that the boy is not a danger.

SHERIFF
It's not about these dumb elections.

DR. PARKER
Never said it was.

SHERIFF
Don't want the cart before the horse.

DR. PARKER
Of course, nobody does.

SHERIFF
But some of my constit'chens
Claim he's skulkin' through their kitchens
And soon I may have no recourse
But to enforce the law -

BUD
With deadly force!

LORRAINE
So there it is, Doc
Spelled out plain

BUD
So are we clear?

MAGGIE
You will take no action
That could derail this train

BUD
You hear?

MAGGIE, ROY, SHERIFF, NED, LORRAINE
You should just be grateful
We don't hang him from a tree
So don't you go testin' our
Christian charity!
So ship him out, Doc
Don't care where

BUD
We think that's fair!

MAGGIE, ROY, SHERIFF, NED, LORRAINE
Take the long way home
Because

ROY
He's foulin' the air!

MAGGIE, ROY, SHERIFF, NED, LORRAINE
Doc, we need a quarantine
We want a guarantee
He can't be allowed to come

BUD
He'll cause pandamonium!

MAGGIE, ROY, SHERIFF, NED, LORRAINE
So shape up and show us
Some Christian -

DR. PARKER
Alright! I give you my word. Edgar will not attend the revival.

SHERIFF
Oh, now that's just great. I knew you'd be reasonable about this.

ALL
Thank God you'll be showin' some
Christian charity
And some dang sense.

↑ Return to Top ↑

BAT BOY
What is it that people...say about me?

DR. PARKER
People can be very cruel.

BAT BOY
But I'm not here to harm them
I only want to learn
They all walk in sunlight
I deserve a turn
I want to know my neighbours
I'm not some garden gnome
Why can't I make this world my home?
It's torture to sit here idly while I'm being slandered in public.
I can only imagine what they're saying.

DR. PARKER
We're not saying that you can't go out sometime, just not -

BAT BOY
Something was troubling me recently
Watching the world from this table
Reading and dreaming and gen'rally growing mold
And today I looked up just in time to see
This medical program on cable
Astonished, I ran to the mirror, and there, behold!
Look here, I've got a navel!
It means I'm someone's child
The doctor must have tied it
While my mother smiled...
Which means I may be human
Complete with family tree
And if you let me go and see
This world may be a home for me!

↑ Return to Top ↑

DR. PARKER
You little creep, you're gonna pay.
I won't be shoved out of the way! Oh no-

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Oh no!

DR. PARKER
Oh no-

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Oh no!

DR. PARKER
And I could make a solid case
For smashing in your filthy face.

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Kill him!

DR. PARKER
Shut up!

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Kill him!

DR. PARKER
Shut up! I've got a spade and a burlap sack!

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Kill him now!

DR. PARKER
And there's a hole in the yard out back!

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Kill him now!

DR. PARKER
But if I fill it she'll ask me "why"

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Kill him now!

DR. PARKER
So I've got one thing to do before you die!

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Now! Now!

DR. PARKER
WAIT!
She will see what you are,
I will win back my bride
She herself will decide
To get rid of the boy!
She'll admit she was wrong,
She'll return before long
She'll be singing a song
Full of comfort and joy.

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Comfort and joy- Comfort and joy!

DR. PARKER
Comfort and joy!

VOICES IN HIS HEAD
Comfort and joy- Comfort and joy!
Kill the Bat Boy- Kill the Bat Boy!

MEREDITH
Oh, Honey, I apologize: You've really opened up my eyes.

SHELLEY
No way!

MEREDITH
Yes way!

SHELLEY
No way!

MEREDITH
Yes way! I'm laying out your Sunday best
Now brush your teeth and get some rest. All right?

SHELLEY
No way?

MEREDITH
All right!

SHELLEY
All right!

MEREDITH
Now when they see him they'll make a fuss.

SHELLEY
Is that true?

MEREDITH
We gotta smile like we just don't care!

SHELLEY
That's not fair!

MEREDITH
They put their pants on the same as us!

SHELLEY
Yes they do...

MEREDITH
So just imagine them in their underwear!

SHELLEY
And then this time I swear...

BOTH
He will show that he's not
What they're terrified of.
He will show them a love
They can never destroy!
If we prove that they're wrong
They'll come round before long
And we'll all sing a song
Full of comfort and joy!

CHORUS
Comfort and joy! Yeah! Comfort and joy!

MEREDITH AND SHELLEY
Comfort and Joy!

CHORUS
Comfort and Joy! Comfort and Joy!

DR. PARKER
Stop the Bat Boy!

(Town enters with hubbub)

SHERIFF
Settle down, people! We want to make sure the revival goes off without a hitch, so let's go over the schedule. Listen up: From nine to twelve he does the healing...

NED
Sheriff...

MAGGIE
You hush up!

SHERIFF
At noon he'll bless the fields and plows...

MR. DILLON
Tractors too?

MAGGIE
Hush up!

SHERIFF
Then lunch is from one thirty-

NED
Sheriff, what about my Gertie!

MAGGIE
Hush!

SHERIFF
Well as it seems that time allows, three to ten:
The Blessing Of The Cows!

ALL
Yes! The Blessing Of The Cows!
Boy, that preachers a pro!
Gives a heckuva show!

LORRAINE
Just like Seigfried and Roy!

ALL
He'll bring comfort and joy!
So if nothing goes wrong,
Yes, if nothing goes wrong,
Lord, if nothing goes wrong,
We'll have comfort and...
Comfort and Joy!
Comfort and Joy!
Lord, we need some comfort and joy!
Any means you'd care to employ,
Won't you send us comfort and joy!

BAT BOY
Dear God: I'm still not sure how people pray Or what one does with one's hands.
But please, my thirst grows every day. I feel it burn in my glands.
Please won't you change the way I am, or prove I'm human underneath.
Or if you just don't give a damn-

(Points to fangs)

You could at leatht get rid of theethe!
If I can't prove them wrong
Show me where I belong
For a hunger so strong
Kills all comfort and joy.
If you'd make me complete
I'll avoid all red meat,
I'll eat nothing but soy
To have comfort and joy...

DR. PARKER
By next week you'll be gone
Six feet under my lawn.
I'll have nobody toy
With my comfort and joy...

MEREDITH/SHELLEY
He will come out a champ.
It's just like summer camp.
They'll get used to the boy,
He'll bring comfort and joy...

TOWNFOLK
Lord, please give us your word.
Cure the plague on the herd.
We don't mean to annoy
But send comfort and joy...

BAT BOY
Comfort and joy! Comfort and joy!

DR. PARKER
Stop the Bat Boy! Stop the Bat Boy!

ALL
Comfort and joy! Comfort and JOY!

(Lights up on Hospital room)

RUTHIE
Dr.Parker, what are you doing here?

DR. PARKER
Don't worry, Ruthie. The Bat Boy will pay for what he's done to you. We're all going to miss you very much.

(Dr.Parker injects Ruthie and she dies.)

ALL
AAHHHHH!

↑ Return to Top ↑

REV. HIGHTOWER
Oh the sheep has returned to the fold,
and the prodigal son has come in from the cold!
So like the prophets were told in the days of old-
Make a joyful noise my soul!

CHOIR

(mumbling)

Make a joyful noise my soul...

REV. HIGHTOWER
Oh, the lion will lie down with the lamb,
and the sinner will walk hand in hand with Abraham.
And he will cry to the sky, Jesus here I am!
Make a joyful noise my soul! - - - Hello?

CHOIR
...ful noise, my soul...

REV. HIGHTOWER AND CHOIR
Make some noise! Make some noise!
Make some noise! My soul is whole! Sing it loud! Sing it proud!
Sing it strong, all night long!
Make a joyful noise- a joyful noise my soul!

REV. HIGHTOWER
Now, I know there's somebody out there. Someone who needs healing. I can feel your distress! You've got a sin... within. Step forward! Let the holy ghost heal you! He's putting a fire under your seat now. No fear. Who wants the healing?

BAT BOY
I want to be healed!

REV. HIGHTOWER
Sweet wounded Jesus.

↑ Return to Top ↑

BAT BOY
I know you hate me. But if you could only see me the way I see all of you...
Look at all your faces. Children, husbands, wives.
God, you're all so beautiful. I envy you your lives.
Going to work, building your schools, throwing a football or swimming in pools.
Out in the sun, living by rules, I could learn how if you'd teach me the tools...
I know I'm strange, so help me change, please.
Let me walk among you. Let me show my face.
I could learn to live with you, I can earn my place.
I will move a mountain; your wish is my command.
And some day you may want to shake my hand.
I will paint your houses. I'll milk your cows at dawn.
I will do your laundry and I will mow your lawn.
Let me file your taxes. I am a CPA!
And maybe then you'll shake my hand someday.
I can grow a champion rose, or teach a yoga class.
I myself designed these clothes. I can do my part.
Must I die then with my nose still pressed against the glass?
But if you'd shake my hand, well, thats a start.
Yes, thats a start. Look in your heart!
And let me join your carpool- No! Let me drive the car!
Let me throw a barbeque or join you at the bar.
Come and watch the ballgame, I'll bake a pecan pie!
And I will shake your hand when you drop by.
Oh, bring me to your churches and met me look inside,
Bring me to your weddings and let me kiss the bride!
Thank you all for listening... that's... all I had to say.
But please will someone shake my hand?
Won't somebody take my hand?
Let just one person shake my hand!

↑ Return to Top ↑

ALL
Okay

BAT BOY
Okay?

ALL
Okay!

BAT BOY
Okay?

ALL
Okay!

BAT BOY
Okay?

ALL
OKAY!
Praise God, the sheep has returned to the fold.
And the prodigal son has come in from the cold!

BAT BOY
So like the prophets were told

ALL
In the days of old! Make a joyful noise, my soul!
Make a joyful noise, my soul!

BAT BOY AND ALL
Make some noise! (Make some noise!)
Make some noise! (Make some noise!)
Hallelujah- my soul is whole!
Sing it loud! (Sing it proud)
Sing it strong- all night long!

ALL
Make a joyful noise- a joyful noise my soul!
A joyful noise my soul!
A joyful noise my soul!
A joyful noise - my soul!
AMEN!

↑ Return to Top ↑

MEREDITH
Out! Out! Out! Time to get out!

SHELEY
Out?

MEREDITH
Out! Gotta just rip out this page,
bend the bars of this cage and run free!

SHELEY
Free?

MEREDITH
Free! No one but Edgar, you and me!
Gotta go find him and move on-

BOTH
And be gone before the dawn!

MEREDITH
Gotta get checkbooks,

SHELEY
Checkbooks,

MEREDITH
Car keys,

SHELEY
Car keys,

MEREDITH
Passports,

SHELEY
Passports,

MEREDITH
Then goodbye!

SHELEY
Toothbrush,

MEREDITH
Toothbrush,

SHELEY
Blankets,

MEREDITH
Blankets,

SHELEY
Daddy?

MEREDITH
No.

SHELEY
Why?

MEREDITH
Shelley, listen to me.
What do you do when you blow out a tire?

SHELEY
Tire?

MEREDITH
Trash it! Some holes you'll never patch.

SHELEY
You'll never patch?

MEREDITH
And who do you save when your house is on fire?

SHELEY
Fire?

MEREDITH
Don't bring the guy who lit the match!

SHELEY
Who lit the match!

MEREDITH
So we'll get a post office box,
And we're gonna change all the locks,
And we're gonna stay with my cousins a while.
Then we'll get a three bedroom house
with a white picket fence and a gun and a lawyer,
so smile!
Gonna get a homeowner's loan;

SHELEY
Could...

MEREDITH
Gonna get an unlisted phone;

SHELEY
Good!

MEREDITH
Gonna get away from this town gone insane!

SHELEY
Kinda thought they would...

MEREDITH
Then we'll get a three bedroom house

SHELEY
A beautiful three bedroom house

MEREDITH
Affordable

BOTH
Three bedroom house

MEREDITH
With a great big pit bull on a chain!

SHELEY
Okay... Okay, Okay, Okay, Okay
Right! Right! Right! Mother, you're right!

MEREDITH
Right?

SHELEY
Right! Still kinda sad that my dad lost what marbles he had
but we're free!

MEREDITH
Free!

SHELEY
Free! I'll get a brand new fake I.D.!

MEREDITH
And if we lack for anything I can hock this stupid ring!

BOTH
And we'll get a post office box
And we'll get a front gate that locks!

SHELEY
And we'll get away from those ignorant pigs!

BOTH
And we'll get a three bedroom house!

MEREDITH
A livable three bedroom house

SHELEY
A lovable

BOTH
Three bedroom house

MEREDITH
And some plastic surgery and wigs!

SHELEY
For who?

MEREDITH
For all of us...

SHELEY
Right...

BOTH
And Edgar will soon have

SHELEY
A garden to walk in

MEREDITH
His own driver's license

SHELEY
A car- NO! A van!

BOTH
And Edgar will soon have

SHELEY
A ballroom to dance in

MEREDITH
A good dental plan!

SHELEY
Cause Edgar will soon have a home...

MEREDITH
Yes, Edgar will soon have a home...

BOTH
A heck of a home!
And we'll get a post office box
And we'll get a front gate that locks

MEREDITH
And big electrified fence all around!

SHELEY
Whoa!

MEREDITH
And we'll get a three bedroom house-

SHELEY
Or even a two bedroom house-

MEREDITH
No, honey a three bedroom house-

SHELEY
Mom... do you think Edgar would marry me?

(Pause)

MEREDITH
No, honey a three bedroom house,
A three bedroom house
In a concrete shelter ten feet underground!

SHELEY
Mom! I want to marry Edgar! I'm in love with him!

MEREDITH
No, Shelley.

SHELEY
What?

MEREDITH
You're not in love with Edgar!

SHELEY
Yes, I am, Mom. I love him so much. And I want to be with him forever-

MEREDITH
No, Shelley! It's hideous! It's not right!

SHELEY
You're just like the rest of them!

MEREDITH
You don't understand- Shelley! NO!
What about the three bedroom house?
The three bedroom house!
Who do you save when your house is on fire...
Your House Is On Fire...
Your House Is On Fire!

↑ Return to Top ↑

PAN
Children, welcome home
To where we all began.
Alone and face to face
Let us erase the fall of man:
Let the frogs pause in their song,
Let the crickets hold their breath,
Let the trees stand still as death
And tell the mosquitoes not to bite.
Now we've been hoping for so long,
So fill the sky with fireflies.
So they can see into each other's eyes
And then they'll get it right...
Oh, Children, Children don't be scared!
The moon is up and we're all prepared!
Children, take a look around-
We're on sacred ground!
And what we thought we lost at last is found.
Now let the turtle and the dove

ANIMALS
Ooh, sha la la!

PAN
Let the lion and the lamb

ANIMALS
Ooh, sha la la! Oooh, Aaah!

PAN
Let the owl and wolf and ram embrace

ALL
Across the countryside!

PAN
Fur and feathers making love

ANIMALS
Sha la la!

PAN
Paws and claws and jaws and beaks.

ALL
Let the song go on for weeks and weeks
To bless this boy and bless this bride!
Oh, Children, Children
Don't be scared! The moon is up and we're all prepared!
Children, take a look around, hear that joyful song!
For what we thought was lost at last is found.
Sha la la la la la!
The Earth's asleep, time to wake it.
If you have clothing, forsake it.
We want you breathless and naked.
Choose your mate; And then let's see what we create!
HEY!

(Dance break with animal noises)

PAN
Draw near, my dearly beloved,
No preist, No church- but what of it?
Take root, take flight, I command it!
Here we stand-

ALL
Here we stand!

PAN
So no more stalling- take her hand!
Oh, Children, Children

ALL
Children!

PAN
Don't be scared.

ALL
Don't be scared!

PAN
The moon is up and

ALL
-We're all prepared!
Children, take a look around

PAN
We're on sacred ground, and hear that joyful sound!
For what we thought was,
ALL
What we thought was lost at last is found!
Found!
Found!
FOUND!
HEY!

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SHELLEY
It's okay. I'm still here.
Your secret's out, but don't fear.
'Cause I don't care what people say.
Once I thought you were weird;
But soon my doubts disappeared.
I think you're normaller than they.
Now you're scared; you're in need.
Clearly someone has to bleed.
I'll repay all you gave-
I will give you what you crave.
Let me prove I love you;
let me become part of you.
I see no better way to start!
Now I can live inside your heart.

BAT BOY
You don't know what you're saying-

SHELLEY
Yes I do-

BAT BOY
Go on, go home, forget me-

SHELLEY
It's for you-

BAT BOY
I'll hurt you, I'm not playing- Please don't!

SHELLEY
No, I knew they when I-

BOTH
Let me-

BAT BOY
No!

SHELLEY
I want to-

BOTH
Please-

SHELLEY
Yes!

BAT BOY
No! It's too bizarre!

BOTH
Just-

BAT BOY
Go!

SHELLEY
I'm not afraid! It's no disease,
it's who you are!

BAT BOY
It murders everything I touch.
A screaming fire will fill you.
You'll beg me please to kill you-
I could not let you be my crutch!
Oh, God, I feel my hunger grow-
Go! Go on, go home, forget me...

SHELLEY
No.
Such a lovely boy... look at what you've done to me,
Woke me up and set me free, so look at me.
Such a lovely boy... this way you'll be mine at last.
And I'll be fine: I heal real fast.
So look at me... Look at me!

BAT BOY
You don't know what you're saying-

SHELLEY
Shut up, that's it, I'm staying!

BOTH
I will shield you from harm
Come spend your life on my arm.
I see no better way to start.
Let me prove I love you;
Let me become part of you.
Now we shall never be apart.
I'll always live inside your heart!

↑ Return to Top ↑

BAT BOY
I'm sorry, friend, I have to.
I know, I know, it's rude
I shouldn't work my problems out with food.
I'm sorry pal, I've got to.
It's either me or you. Fight or be beaten!
Eat or be eaten! Look what it makes me do.
It's stronger than it was and this is what the bat child does.
Deep in the cave under miles of stone, I knew no word for sad.
Singing to echoes and all alone, needed no mom or dad.
I'd never dreamed of the world above; I'd never seen the sky.
And yet I was content; I never wondered why.
I never knew such a word as rage. I learned that from you.
You locked your boy up inside a cage, and all the while you knew.
Why bother giving me dad's old shirt, why even intervene?
Why bother washing off all the dirt, if I am still unclean?
You said you'd never hurt me, mom, whatever might occur!
So: How could you dare, mom,
Make me "aware", mom,
Teach me to care, mom,
and then deny me her!
We had a chance at happiness, blissfully unaware...
We had a love we thought you'd bless, we didn't have a prayer.
'Cause you had to come destroy our love
Like everything else I had!
Yet still I am content and I am not the least bit mad...
No, I'm not here to harm you; I only want to KILL!
You shall have your monster- I shall drink my fill!
At last I am embracing my bloody destiny!
Dear mom and dad, this face will be
The last thing that you ever see!
Revenge will be a home for me
For me
For me
For ME!

↑ Return to Top ↑

BAT BOY
How could you tell me I was human, when you knew me to be a beast?

MEREDITH
Look inside yourself, Edgar. You'll see a soul. Does a beast have a soul?

BAT BOY
A soul? Is that what you call it,
that empty pit, that wound where my heart should be?
You dug this hole in me bit by bit, nothing is left of me!
Give me one reason why I should live.
See, you have no reply.
The world is man or beast, but I am both or neither.
So goodbye!

SHERIFF
I'm sorry, Edgar, really am.
Sorry to hear your life's a sham.
Still, it doesn't have to end this way!
So put these on and don't be cute.
A van's en route from the institute.
He gets in it, no one dies today.

MOB
Sheriff, you idiot, why do you pity it?
Look at the blood on him- why don't you kill him!
What kinda man are you?
What are you gonna do?
We oughtta kill you too!
Why don't you kill him!
GET HIM! GET HIM!

BAT BOY
Don't deny the obvious- such an ugly boy.
Everywhere you put me, look what I destroy!

MOB
Shoot him! Stop him! Jesus, Sheriff!
Shoot him! Kill him! Kill him! Do it!

BAT BOY
Not strung up by farmers or caged in by police.
If you're not a coward, give me peace.

MOB
Parker, you idiot, why do you pity it?
Look at the blood on him- God, you're both evil!
What kinda man are you?
What are you gonna do?
Parker, he wants you to!
Kill him or we will!

BAT BOY
Coward.

DR. PARKER
I'm sorry.

BAT BOY
You know...
One thing alone saved me from despair,
back in my feral stage.

SHELLEY
Edgar...

BAT BOY
Once in a while she would meet my stare.
Then I'd forget the cage.

MEREDITH
Edgar, don't!

BAT BOY
But surely her smile wasn't meant for me.

SHELLEY
Edgar no!

BAT BOY
Easier to dismiss. But, tonight she kissed me, here.

(General gasp)

BAT BOY
Tonight she gave me this.

(He takes out Shelley's handkerchief)

I smell her perfume and her sweat...

DR. PARKER
Oh my God...

TOWNFOLK
Jesus!

BAT BOY
Look what a gift she gave me-

DR. PARKER
Is it true?

BAT BOY
Almost enough to save me.

SHELLEY
Yes!

BAT BOY
And I imagine you're upset...

DR. PARKER
Oh my God!

BAT BOY
But I would kill for her again!

MOB
Stop him! Kill him!

BAT BOY
And do you know what she did then?

MOB
Stop!

BAT BOY
She offered me her vein.

MOB
No!

BAT BOY
She offered me her blood!

MOB
God!

BAT BOY
She offered me everything!

(Dr. Parker puts a knife to Bat Boy's throat. Meredith stops him.)

DR. PARKER
Meredith, I'm sorry. All of this is me.

MEREDITH
Thomas, please.

DR. PARKER

(overlapping)

I can't bear to look at him. You are all I see.
His eyes, Meredith, he has your eyes.
It hurts too much to put behind me...the way I lost you.

MEREDITH

(overlapping)

Thomas, don't.
Please, oh Thomas, don't deny the obvious, leave the past behind.
We can start again, love. We have both been blind.

CROWD
Parker, damn you... Parker, you do it now...

MEREDITH
Thomas, I forgive you. I know, my love, I know.

DR. PARKER
And every day his eyes remind me.

CROWD
Now! Now! Now!

MEREDITH
Thomas, come here. Thomas, let him go!

DR. PARKER
Edgar! Are you hungry?

(Bat Boy, wounded, falls to Shelley's arms)

SHELLEY
Oh, Edgar! My dear, sweet boy...

BAT BOY
I am not a boy. I am an animal.

(He dies)

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SHELLEY
In a cave many miles to the south
Lived a boy born with fangs in his mouth.
He never knew what he was worth.
I could not stop his fall.
But in his precious hours on Earth, he taught us all.

MAGGIE
Love your neighbor,

RICK
Forgive,

INSTITUTE MAN
Keep your vows.

BUD AND NED
And a mountain's no place to raise cows.

SHERIFF
Revenge is something God forbids,

BUD
To scapegoat folks is wrong,

MRS. TAYLOR'S KIDS
And don't kill Mrs.Taylor's kids.

MEREDITH
Let go the fears to which you cling,

MEREDITH/DR. PARKER
And through your tears you'll hear him sing,

MEREDITH/DR. PARKER/SHELLEY
Lift up your ears and join his song!

MEREDITH/DR. PARKER/SHELLEY/TOWNFOLK
And join his song! And join his song!
And join his song!

ALL
Aaaaah!
Hold your Bat Boy, Touch your Bat Boy
No more need to hide!
Know your Bat Boy, Love your Bat Boy
Don't deny your beast inside!
Ah, ah- Aaaaaa! Aaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaah!

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