(In the darkness, a large sign is illuminated-letter by letter. It reads: Cabaret. Then it disappears. There is a roll of the drums. Then the Master of Ceremonies enters in a spotlight upstage. He is a bizarre little figure-much lipstick, much rouge, patent-leather hair parted in the middle. He walks toward the footlights and greets the audience.)

M.C.

(Singing)

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Fremde, etranger, stranger
Glucklich zu sehen
Je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!

Meine Damen und Herren-Mesdames et Messieurs-Ladies and Gentlemen! Guten abend-bon soir-good evening! Wie geht's? Comment ca va? Do you feel good? Ich bin euer confrencier-je suis votre compere-I am your host!

(He sings again)

Und sage-
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!

Leave your troubles outside! So-life is disappointing? Forget it! In here life is beautiful-the girls are beautiful-even the orchestra is beautiful!

(A girl orchestra appears on stage and plays a chorus of "Willkommen".)

And now-presenting the Cabaret Girls!

(The girls enter. The mirror tilts upward-reflecting the stage rather than the auditorium.)

Each and every one a virgin. You don't believe me? Well, don't take my word for it. Go ahead. Ask her! Outside it is winter. But here it is so hot-every night we have the battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don't go away. Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!

GIRLS

(Singing)

Wir sagen-
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!

M.C.
And now to serve you-

(Waiters, Busboys, Entertainers appear.)

ALL

(Singing)

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Fremde, etranger, stranger
Glucklich zu sehen
Je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!

(A compartment of a European railway train. It appears to be in motion. Clifford Bradshaw is alone in the compartment-asleep. He is in his late twenties, pleasant looking, intelligent, reserved. His suitcase and portable typewriter are on the rack above his head. Ernst Ludwig enters. He is German, about thirty, friendly and likable. He conies a suitcase, a brown leather briefcase and a magazine. He seems rather nervous.)

ERNST
Occupied?

(Cliff opens his eyes and shakes his head.)

It is permitted?

CLIFF
Please.

(Ernst places his suitcase on the rack over the seat opposite Cliff. He puts his briefcase on the floor beside his legs as he sits down.)

ERNST
English?

CLIFF
American.

ERNST
German. Berlin. Ernst Ludwig.

(They shake hands)

CLIFF
Clifford Bradshaw. Pennsylvania. Are we slowing down for the German border?

ERNST
Ja.

CLIFF
You've taken this trip before?

ERNST
Many many times.

(Ernst shows increasing signs of nervousness.)

You are a tourist?

CLIFF
No. Not exactly. I'm a writer and I give English lessons.

(The train stops. Ernst gets up and surveys the corridor.)

Would you care for a cigarette?

(There is no answer)

Herr Ludwig?

ERNST

(Absently)

Ja?

CLIFF
A cigarette?

ERNST
No. Thank you.

(Ernst suddenly sits down and pretends to be absorbed in a magazine. Two German customs officers enter the compartment.)

OFFICER
Deutsche Grenzkontrolle. Ihre passe, bitte.

CLIFF
I beg your pardon?

OFFICER
Your passport, if you please.

(Cliff hands his passport to the officer.)

Welcome to Germany, Mr. Bradshaw.

(The officer indicates Cliff's bags.)

Yours?

(Cliff nods. The officer puts a Customs mark on his hags without even taking them off the rack. Then he turns to Ernst, who is deep in his magazine)

Ihren pass, bitte.

(Ernst hands over his passport.)

Sie waren geschaftlich in Paris?

ERNST
Nein. Auf einer urlaubreise.

OFFICER
Off en sie ihre tasche.

(Ernst takes down his suitcase and opens it. The officer goes through it. While the officer's back is turned Ernst takes his briefcase off the floor and puts it on the rack over Cliff's head. Cliff is surprised, but says nothing. The officer marks Ernst's bag.)

Haben sie nur diese eine tasche?

ERNST
Ja. Das ist alles.

OFFICER

(To Cliff)

I wish you will enjoy your stay in Germany. And a most Happy New Year.

(The officer exits. Ernst, very relieved, retrieves the briefcase.)

CLIFF
What's in the bag?

ERNST

(Too casual)

What? Baubles from Paris: perfume...silk stockings...But more than is permitted. You understand?

CLIFF

(Nods)

I guess I've done a little smuggling myself.

ERNST

(With new vigor)

You are most understanding. I thank you very much. And I would like to see to it that Berlin will open its arms to you! We begin tonight-New Year's Eve-the Kit Kat Klub! The hottest spot in Berlin. Telephones on every table. Girls call you. You call them. Instant connections.

CLIFF

(Shaking his head)

Thanks-but I've still got to find a room.

ERNST
You have no room! But this is no problem!

(He takes out a card and writes on it.)

I know the finest residence in all Berlin. Just tell Fraulein Schneider that Ernst Ludwig has recommended you.

CLIFF
I can't afford the finest residence in Berlin. I need something inexpensive.

ERNST
But this is inexpensive! Very inexpensive! She has this kind of room and that kind of room. Absolute satisfaction!

CLIFF
I don't care if it's awful as long as it's cheap.

ERNST
But this is awful. You will love it!

(The train starts again. Ernst hands Cliff the card. Cliff reads it.)

CLIFF
Fraulein Schneider...

ERNST
You see! You see! You have a new friend-Ernst Ludwig! You have a fine place to live! And you have perhaps even your first English pupil!

(He indicates himself. Cliff is quite surprised.)

Ja! So welcome to Berlin, my friend. Welcome to Berlin

(They shake hands. The train moves upstage and disappears as the M.C. crosses downstage.)

M.C.

(Singing)

Welcome to Berlin!
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Fremde, etranger, stranger
Glucklich zu sehen
Je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay!

↑ Return to Top ↑

(A room in Fraulein Schneider's flat. The furnishings are ugly and ponderous: a bed, a table with two chairs, an armoire, and, behind a curtain, a washstand. As the lights come up, Fraulein Schneider enters. She is about sixty: full of vitality, interested in everything, probably indestructible. She wears a flowered dressing gown and carpet slippers. Cliff follows her, carrying his bags.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
You see! All comforts! And with breakfast only one hundred marks!

CLIFF
It's very nice, Fraulein Schneider. In fact-too nice. You don't have something cheaper?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But for a friend of Hen Ludwig...

CLIFF
I've very little money.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But you will give English lessons. Many pupils will come. And they will pay you. And then you will pay me. No?

CLIFF

(Shaking his head)

Fifty marks. That's my absolute limit.

(Fraulein Schneider shrugs her shoulders)

If you've any thing else...I don't care how small, how far from the bathroom...

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But for a professor-ibis is mere suitable.

CLIFF
I am not a professor. Think of me as a starving author. What do you have for a starving author?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
An author! A poet! You have the look!

CLIFF
A novelist.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
And you will be most famous. There is no doubt. You will have this room. Here is for your clothing. Look-there is even a table for writing. Come...sitz.

(She pulls out the chair at the writing table and invites Cliff to try it. He does.)

Good?

(Cliff nods.)

You need a cushion...

(She stuffs a cushion in behind him.)

Besser?

(Then she stands back and admires the scene.)

A novelist! It is like-years ago-when in all my rooms-persons of real quality...

CLIFF
But I can still only pay fifty marks.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
This room is worth one hundred. More than one hundred.

(She looks at Cliff hopefully. He shakes his head.)

Fifty?

(Cliff nods. Fraulein Schneider suddenly surrenders.)

Sitz!

(She sings)

You say fifty marks,
I say one hundred marks;
A difference of fifty marks,
Why should that stand in our way?
As long as the room's to let,
The fifty that I will get
Is fifty more than I had yesterday, ja?
When you're as old as I -
Is anyone as old as I?
What difference does it make?
An offer comes, you take.
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares? So what?
So who cares? So what?
When I was a girl my summers were spent bу the sea, so what?
And I had a maid doing all of the housework, not me, so what?
Now I scrub up the floors and I wash down the walls,
And I empty the chamber pot.
If it ended that way then it ended that way, and I shrug and I say, so what?
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares, so what?
So who cares, so what?
When I had a man, my figure was boyish and flat, so what?
Through all of our years he was so disappointed in that, so what?
Now I have what he missed and my bosom is full,
But he lies in a churchyard plot.
If it wasn't to be that he ever would see the abundance of me,
So what?
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares, so what?
So who cares, so what?
So once I was rich, and now all my fortune is gone, so what?
And love disappeared and only the memory lives on, so what?
If I've lived through all that, and I've lived through all that,
Fifty marks doesn't mean a lot.
If I like that you're here, and I like that you're here,
Happy New Year, my dear, so what?
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares...so what?
So who cares...so what?
It all goes on,
So who cares?
Who cares?
Who cares?
So what?

(Fraulein Schneider starts checking the room. She takes out a blanket.)

An additional blanket. The telephone is in the hall. I will bring towels.

(There is a knock on the door.)

Come in!

(Fraulein Kost enters. She is thirtyish, a large and happy woman who works duigently at her profession.)

FRAULEIN KOST
Fraulein Schneider! There you are! There is no hot water in the bathroom! The second time this week!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(To Cliff)

If you will excuse me, Herr Bradshaw.

FRAULEIN KOST

(She notes Cliff and starts giving him the eye.)

So you have finally rented this room.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Here is Herr Clifford Bradshaw-the world-famous American novelist.

(Fraulein Kost starts toward CLIFF. Fraulein Schneider steps between them.)

CLIFF
How do you do?

FRAULEIN KOST

(Flirtatiously)

I am Fraulein Kost. Across the hall...Please feel free at any time...

(A German Sailor runs in.)

SAILOR
Schatri-where are you...?

(Fraulein Kost is a little embarrassed to have Cliff see the sailor.)

FRAULEIN KOST

(Making it up quickly)

My nephew! He is visiting me. From Hamburg.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(To Fraulein Kost)

Come! We talk outside. We are disturbing Herr Bradshaw. And bring your nephew with you-from Hamburg!

(When they are gone, she turns hack to Cliff.)

My apologies, Herr Bradshaw. I guarantee she will not bother you again.

CLIFF
Bother me?

(There is a knock at the door.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
What is it now?

(Herr Schultz enters. He is in his fifties, very warm and cheerful. He dresses neatly, but it would appear that he needs a woman to tell him what tie goes with what. He is carrying a bottle of schnapps.)

SCHULTZ
Fraulein Schneider.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Ah, Herr Schultz! Is it eleven o'clock? I have been showing Herr Bradshaw his room. Herr Bradshaw-Herr Schultz, who also lives here.

CLIFF
Pleased to meet you.

SCHULTZ
Honored!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Herr Bradshaw is from America.

SCHULTZ
America! I have a cousin in Buffalo.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
And Herr Schultz is proprietor of the finest fruit market on the Nollendorfplatz.

SCHULTZ
Seville oranges. Delicious.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I will dress now.

(To Cliff)

Herr Schultz has been kind enough to invite me to join him in a glass of schnapps for the New Year.

SCHULTZ
And a little fruit.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
And-after all-why not? Otherwise I am in bed with a hot-water bottle.

SCHULTZ
Perhaps Here Bradshaw...

CLIFF
No. But thanks for asking.

SCHULTZ
Another time.

(Schultz shakes hands with Cliff.)

I want to wish you mazel in the New Year.

CLIFF
Mazel?

SCHULTZ
Jewish. It means luck!

CLIFF
Thank you. The same to you.

SCHULTZ
I come to you, Fraulein-in ten minutes-with the schnapps!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
And the fruit!

(Herr Schultz exits. Fraulein Schneider turns to Cliff.)

And now-please-anything you require-knock on my door. Day, night Also - welcome to Berlin!

(She exits.)

CLIFF
Welcome to Berlin-famous novelist.

(He puts his typewriter on the table.)

Open the Remington...

(A beautiful girl appears, sitting at a cafe table. She is singing into a telephone. She does not look at Cliff.)

GIRL
Hello? Hello?

(Cliff is unaware of the girl. He looks gloomily at the typewriter.)

CLIFF
That's what you came here for.

GIRL

(Singing)

Sitting all alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye.
Would you like to buy a girl a drink?

(Cliff opens the typewriter half-heartedly.)

CLIFF
Welcome to Berlin-famous novelist...

GIRL

(Singing)

Ja? You would? Come on over!

(Cliff closes the typewriter, takes his coat, and exits out the door.)

↑ Return to Top ↑

(The girl is sitting in the middle of the Kit Kat Klub, an establishment in which all the tables have telephones on them so that guests can call each other. At the moment, the Klub is packed. It is New Year's Eve, 1930. Cliff enters the Klub and is seated at a table. The M.C. appears; there is fanfare from the girl orchestra.)

M.C.
Meine Damen und Herren-Mesdames et Messieurs-Ladies and Gendemen - And now the Kit Kat Klub is proud to present a beautiful young lady from England. She is so beautiful, so talented, so charming that I have asked her to marry me. And now there is only one thing standing in our way: my wife!

(He pantomimes cutting his throat. A few members of the audience laugh.)

I give you: the toast of Mayfair-Fraulein Sally Bowles!

(Sally Bowles enters. She is in her early twenties, rather pretty, rather sophisticated, rather childlike, exasperating and irresistible.)

SALLY

(Singing)

Mama thinks I'm living in a convent,
A secluded little convent
In the southern part of France.
Mama doesn't even have an inkling
That I'm working in a nightclub
In a pair of lacy pants.
So please, sir, if you run into my mama,
Don't reveal my indiscretion -
Give a working girl a chance.
Hush up, don't tell Mama,
Shush up, don't tell Mama,
Don't tell Mama whatever you do.
If you had a secret,
You bet 1 could keep it.
I would never tell on you.
I'm breaking every promise that I gave her,
So won't you kindly do a girl a great big favor?
And please, my sweet patater,
Keep this from the mater,
Though my dance is not against the lam.
You can tett my papa, that's all right,
'Cause he comes in here every night,
But don't tell Mama what you sawl

(The cabaret girls appear.)

GIRLS

(Singing)

Mama thinks I'm on a tour of Europe
With a couple of my school-chums
And a lady chaperone.
Mama doesn't even have an inkling
That I left them all in Antwerp
And I'm touring on my own.
So please, sir, if you run into my mama,
Don't revel my indiscretion-
Just leave well enough alone.

GIRLS
Hush up-

SALLY
Don't tell Mama.

GIRLS
Shush up-

SALLY
Don't tell Mama

SALLY AND GIRLS
Don't tell Mama whatever you do.

SALLY
If you had a secret, You bet I could keep it.

GIRLS
We would never tell on you.

SALLY
You wouldn't want to get me in a pickle,
And have her go and cut me off without a nickel,

SALLY AND GIRLS
So let's trust one another.
Keep this from my mother,
Though I'm still as pure as mountain snow.

SALLY
You can tell my uncle, here and now,
'Cause he's my agent anyhow.

GIRLS
But don't tell Mama what you know,

SALLY
You can tell my grandma, suits me fine,
Just yesterday she joined the line.

GIRLS
But don't tell Mama what you know.

SALLY
You can tell my brother, that ain't grim,
'Cause if he squeals on me, I'll squeal on him.

SALLY AND GIRLS
But don't tell Mama, bitte,
Don't tell Mama, please, sir,
Don't tell Mama what you know!

SALLY
If you see my mummy, mum's the word

M.C.
Sally Bowles! Thank you, Sally! Isn't she beautiful! And she's from England! And thank you Rosie, Lulu, Frenchie, Texas, Fritzie, and Helga!

(During this number Sally has gradually become aware of Cliff. She has sung to him, almost as if he were the only one in the audience. At the end of the number Sally and the girls dance off. Sally reappears soon afterward. Cliff watches her intently as she goes to a "Reserved" table for two. She sits there alone for a moment. Then she picks up the phone.)

SALLY
Table number three.

(The phone on Cliff's table lights up.)

CLIFF

(Into the phone)

Hello?

SALLY

(Into the phone)

You're English!

CLIFF
I wish I were.

SALLY
American?

CLIFF
I'm sorry.

SALLY
But you speak English! You speak it beautifully! Will you just-keep talking-please? You can't imagine how starved I've been!

CLIFF
Okay. Let me think.

(He recites)

The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits: -on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs on England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night air!

SALLY
Yes-yes-don't stop-please!

CLIFF
I'm afraid that's all I know. My name is Cliff Bradshaw. I come from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. You know where that is?

SALLY
Such a beautiful language.

CLIFF
Well, it's ninety miles west of Philadelphia. May I come to your table?

SALLY
It's like music!

(Pause)

Why did you stop?

CLIFF
I asked you a question. I'd like to join you at your table.

SALLY
Oh. I see. Well - I'm not absolutely sure that's possible - at this time.

(A man, rather middle - aged and quite Germanic - looking, walks up to Sally's table and sits down next to her. He looks rather irritated with her.)

As a matter of fact, I rather doubt it.

(The man snatches the phone out of Sally's hand and hangs it up. There is fanfare from the orchestra. The M.C. appears, dressed as Father Time.)

M.C.
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen. It is almost midnight! Husbands, you have only ten seconds in which to lose your wives! Five-four-three-two-Happy New Year!

(Then the stage goes black. In the darkness, there is enormous jubilation. The M.C. changes into Infant New Year, 1930. Then a match is lit in the darkness. It is Sally lighting a cigarette in a long, long cigarette holder. She is sitting at Cliff's table.)

SALLY
Would you recite that again-about the coast of England?

CLIFF
The sea is calm tonight, The tide is full-

(He has a better idea. He kisses her.)

Happy New Year.

SALLY
I'm Sally Bowles. Are you new in Berlin?

CLIFF
Yes, I've only been here three hours.

(The man who was sitting with Sally has risen and is heading toward Cliff's table. As he approaches, Cliff sees him and starts to get up politely. Sally puts her hand on Cliff's arm, indicating that he should keep seated. Sally glances briefly at the man - as if challenging him. The man hesitates for a moment. Then he goes away. Sally turns back to Cliff.)

SALLY
Three hours! And how long are you planning to stay?

CLIFF

(Shrugs his shoulders)

I'm working on a novel. I'll stay till it's finished.

SALLY

(Impressed)

You're a writer! Would I know your books?

CLIFF
It's highly unlikely. Anyway, it's book-singular.

SALLY
Was it a huge success?

CLIFF
They said it showed promise.

SALLY
Promise?

CLIFF

(He puts his arm around her.)

Let's talk about Sally Bowles. What part of England are you from?

(No answer)

London?

(No answer)

Stratford-on-Avon? (No answer)

Stonehenge?

SALLY
Oh, Cliff, you mustn't ever ask me questions. If I want to tell you anything, I will. Why did you come to Berlin to do your novel?

CLIFF
I'd already tried London, Rome, Venice...

SALLY
Just looking for a place to write?

CLIFF
Something to write about.

SALLY
Where are you staying?

(Cliff shows her the card Ernst gave him.)

CLIFF
And you, where do you live? A hotel?

SALLY
No. Not really. It's more of a flat-actually.

CLIFF
You live alone?

(Sally shakes her head.)

You think your roommate would mind if I came up for just a few minutes?

SALLY
I'm afraid so. You see, Max is most terribly jealous.

CLIFF
Max?

(Sally nods again.)

Your husband?

SALLY
Oh, no! He's just the man I'm living with -

(Cliff looks a little surprised.)

- this week.

(She studies his face.)

I say - am I shocking you - talking like this?

CLIFF

(Mocking)

I say, are you trying to shock me?

SALLY
Trying to...?

(But she likes him for having seen through her)

You're quite right, you know.

(She kisses him; the M.C. appears and signals to her. She rises.)

Good luck with your writing!

(And she is gone. Cliff's phone lights up.)

CLIFF
Hello?

GIRL ON PHONE

(Singing)

Hello.
Sitting alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye.
Would you like to buy a girl a drink?

CLIFF
Sorry.

GIRL ON PHONE
Ach! Godbye.

(Cliff exits.)

↑ Return to Top ↑

M.C.
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs,
Ladies and Gentlemen: it is almost midnight!
Husbands - you have only ten seconds in which to lose your wives!
Five - four- three - two - one!
Happy New Year!

SALLY
You have to understand the way I am, mein herr
A tiger is a tiger, not a lamb, mein herr
You'll never turn the vinegar to jam, mein herr
So I do...what I do...
When I'm through...then I'm through...
And I'm through...toodle-oo!

Bye-bye, mein lieber herr
Farewell, mein lieber herr
It was a fine affair, but now it's over
And though I used to care
I need the open air
You're better off without me, mein herr

Don't dab your eye, mein herr
Or wonder why, mein herr
I've always said that I was a rover
You mustn't knit your brow
You should have known by now
You'd every cause to doubt me, mein herr

The continent of Europe is so wide, mein herr
Not only up and down, but side to side, mein herr
I couldn't ever cross it if I tried, mein herr
So I do...what I can...
Inch by inch...step by step...
Mile by mile...man by man

Bye-bye, mein lieber herr
Farewell, mein lieber herr
It was a fine affair, but now it's over
And though I used to care
I need the open air
You're better off without me, mein herr

SALLY AND THE GIRLS
Don't dab your eye, mein herr
Or wonder why, mein herr
I've always said that I was a rover
You mustn't knit your brow
You should have known by now
You'd every cause to doubt me, mein herr

Bye-bye mein lieber herr,
Auf wiedersehen, mein herr
Es war sehr gut, mein herr und vorbei
Du kennst mich wohl, mein herr
Ach, lebe wohl, mein herr
Du sollst mich nicht mehr sehen, mein herr

SALLY
Bye, bye, mein lieber herr...

Und vorbei
Du kennst mich wohl mein herr...

And bye-bye

GIRLS

Bye-bye mein lieber herr
auf wiedersehen, mein herr
Es war sehr gut, mein herr
Und vorbei
Du kennst mich wohl, mein herr
Du sollst mich nich mehr sehen

SALLY AND THE GIRLS
Bye-bye, mein lieber herr
Farewell, mein lieber herr
It was a fine affair, but now it's over
And though I used to care
I need the open air

SALLY
You're better off without me
You'll get on without me
Mein herr...

Bye bye, mein herr

GIRLS
Auf wiedersehen...
Es war sehr gut...
Du kennst nicht wohl...ach, lebe wohl!
Auf wiedersehen...
Bye Bye mein herr!

M.C.
The final performance of Sally Bowles!
Thank you, Sally. Bye-bye!

↑ Return to Top ↑

FIRST BOY

(Into phone)

Hello

FIRST GIRL

(Into phone)

Hello-table four is calling number nine
How are you, mister?

FIRST BOY
Danke-fine

FIRST GIRL
Sitting all alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye,
Would you like to give a girl a dance?

FIRST BOY
Yah-why not?

BOTH
Goodbye!

(They dance.)

SECOND BOY

(Into phone)

Hello

SECOND GIRL

(Into phone)

Hello

THIRD BOY

(Into phone)

Hello

THIRD GIRL

(Into phone)

Hello

SECOND AND THIRD GIRL
Table seven calling number three.
How are you, handsome?

SECOND AND THIRD BOY
You mean me?

SECOND AND THIRD GIRL
We can see you-can you see us?
Would you like to have a dance
The minute that the music's hot?
Maybe we can talk it over, Ja?

THIRD BOY
Ja!

SECOND BOY
Of course!

SECOND AND THIRD BOY
Why notl

(Both couples dance.)

FOURTH AND FIFTH BOY

(Into phone)

Alone-alone
You shouldn't sit alone like that
Alone-alone
Not on a night like this.

ALL
Alone-alone
You shouldn't sit alone like that
Alone-alone
Not on a night like this.

(They dance, and from different parts of the stage - right, center, left-the dancers alternately say "Hello".)

ALL
Sitting all alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye.

GIRLS
Would you like to buy a girl a drink?

BOYS
Would you like to buy a man a drink?

ALL
Would you like to buy а boy a drink?

(They dance, and from different parts of the stage-right, center-left - the dancers alternately, say, "You will, "Why not?" "Goodbye")

ALL
Ja!

↑ Return to Top ↑

(Cliff's room. Ernst is referring to a dictionary. Cliff - watches him.)

ERNST
You know what is the trouble with English? It is not like German. It is not an exact language. Or one must memorize fifty thousand words or one cannot speak it correctly.

CLIFF
Either one must memorize - or one cannot speak...

ERNST
Aha! Either-or-

(Ernst happily makes a notation in his notebook, then closes it and stands up.)

The time is now finished.

CLIFF
I'm in no hurry.

ERNST
But the lesson is one hour. No? Another pupil is waiting.

CLIFF
What other pupil?

ERNST
No other pupil?

(Cliff shakes his head.)

Then I make a suggestion! I will telephone my lady friend. She will bring a friend for you. Elsa! A genuine flapper.

CLIFF
Not tonight, Ernst.

ERNST
But you have not seen this Elsa! Hot stuff, believe me! In one minute, I guarantee, you are making a pass after her.

CLIFF
A pass at her.

ERNST
Aha!! A pass other!

CLIFF
The trouble is, I've got a date tonight.

(He indicates his typewriter.)

ERNST
A typewriter? But what can one do with a typewriter?

CLIFF
Not very much-lately.

ERNST
Then come with me! We make a large whoopee!

CLIFF
(Shakes his head)

For one thing, I've got a budget. And it only allows for a very small whoopee. Unfortunately.

ERNST
Then you are my guest!

CLIFF
Thanks, but...

(He shakes his head negatively.)

ERNST
It is difficult, you know-adjusting to the idea of a poor American. But I tell you a secret. There is no need for this-poverty. Ja! If you are willing, I show you a most excellent way to supplement your income.

CLIFF
Doing what?

ERNST
Oh-by taking very brief trips-to Paris! Perhaps a few days each time. Nothing more. But it will pay you well, extremely well.

(There is a knock at the door.)

CLIFF
Come in.

(Fraulein Schneider enters. She wears her flowered dressing gown. She is quite excited.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Herr Bradshaw, there is a young lady to see you! A young lady in a fur coat!

CLIFF
A young lady?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Fraulein Bowles...?

CLIFF
Bowles?

(Fraulein Schneider nods.)

Ask her to come in.

(Fraulein Schneider exits.)

ERNST
You are old friends - you and Fraulein Bowles? From London, perhaps...?

CLIFF
From the Kit Kat Klub. Last night.

ERNST
Last night! You are some snappy operator!

(Sally enters wearing a fur coat, smoking a cigarette in a cigarette holder. Fraulein Schneider follows her.)

SALLY
Cliff!!

(She kisses Cliff.)

Ernst, darling!

(She kisses Ernst. To Cliff)

Will you be a dear and get my bag?

(She surveys the room approvingly.)

It's lovely, Fraulein Schneider! All these wonderful old pieces!

(Cliff enters with her bag. To Cliff)

Just put it anywhere. I'll unpack later.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Unpack? But Herr Bradshaw did not mention...

SALLY
I'll just be here temporarily.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But I am sorry. This is not possible.

SALLY

(To Cliff)

How much are you paying?

CLIFF
Fifty marks.

SALLY

(To Fraulein Schneider)

Sixty marks?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Shaking her head)

It is not the money-

SALLY
Seventy?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I cannot permit-

SALLY
Eighty?

(Fraulein Schneider mutts this over for a moment. She is very, very tempted.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But this room is worth one hundred marks. More than one hundred.

SALLY
Eighty,

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Eighty-five!

(They shake hands.)

And now - please make yourself cosy-Frau Bradshaw.

(Fraulein Schneider exits. Ernst looks at his watch.)

ERNST

(To Cliff)

Such a to-do! I will see you Friday for the neat lesson. But I tell you something: I think I am taking from you the wrong kind of lessons.

(Ernst exits. Sally, still in her fur coat, collapses onto the bed.)

CLIFF
Sally, now what's this all about?

SALLY
Did you guess I was terrified?

CLIFF
Were you?

SALLY
What if you'd - thrown me out? Can you imagine how that would feel - being thrown out twice in one day?

CLIFF
You mean - Max...?

SALLY
Dear Max. And you know whose fault it was?

(She points at Cliff.)

If you hadn't come to the Kit Kat Klub - and been so dreadfully attractive - and recited poetry -

(She suddenly sits up.)

You know what I'd love? A spot of gin.

CLIFF
Gin?

SALLY
You've got some? I mean - I think one must.

CLIFF
No, I don't have any...

SALLY
Oh, well, Prairie Oysters, then.

CLIFF
Prairie Oysters?

SALLY
I practically live on them. It's just a raw egg whooshed around in some Worcestershire sauce. It's heaven for a hangover.

CLIFF
I haven't got a hangover.

(Sally takes eggs, salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce out of her coat pocket. Cliff watches her.)

That's quite a coat.

SALLY
It should be. It cost me all I had. Little did I dream how soon I'd be unemployed.

CLIFF
What about your job at the Klub?

SALLY
Well, that's rather complicated. You see, one of the owners of the Klub.

CLIFF
Dear Max?

SALLY
You're divinely intuitive! I do hope I'm not going to fall madly in love with you. Are you in the theatre in any way?

(Cliff shakes his head.)

Then you're safe - more or less. Though I do believe a woman can't be a truly great actress till she's had several passionate affairs - and had her heart broken.

(Manufacturing the Prairie Oysters, Sally breaks the eggs on this line.)

I should have let Ernst pay my cab fare. He's got all that money from Paris.

CLIFF
From Paris?

SALLY
He smuggles it in for some political party.

CLIFF
Ernst is in politics?

SALLY
You didn't know? He goes to Paris about once a month and brings back pots of money.

CLIFF
He has to smuggle it in?

SALLY
It's terribly dangerous. But Ernst is so resourceful. He's discovered the Customs people almost never open the bags of non - Germans. So, just before the border, he finds some innocent-looking Englishman-or American...

(She completes the Prairie Oysters.)

CLIFF
It's hard to imagine an American that gullible.

(Sally hands him his drink. She toasts.)

SALLY
Hals and beinbruch. It means neck and leg break. It's supposed to stop it happening. Though I doubt it does.

CLIFF

(Toasting)

Look - it's about time we -

SALLY
Drink!

(Sally drinks her Prairie Oyster. Then Cliff sips his.)

CLIFF
It's amazing! You know what this tastes like? Peppernrint!

SALLY
Oh-well, it's your toothbrush glass. I should have rinsed it.

(Sally wanders over to the - writing table. She - picks up a book.)

This is your novel!

(She opens it.)

It's in German!

(She looks at the cover.)

Mein Kampf?

CLIFF
It's not my novel. I thought I should know something about German politics.

SALLY
Why? You're an Americanl You know, I've never known a novelist. Will I be allowed to watch you work? I promise to be incredibly quiet...

CLIFF
I don't think I can write with someone else - on the premises.

SALLY
But I'm hardly noticeable - really.

(Imploring)

I'll go out when you're writing - take long invigorating walks!

CLIFF
In the middle of the night? And there's another thing: I'm not a prude. At least, I don't think I'm a prude. No-no-I've got work to do. I could never explain this arrangement. It's too peculiar.

SALLY
Peculiar? No, not in the least!

(Spoken, but the music is playing)

I think people are people. I really do, Cliff, don't you?
I don't think they should be made to apologize for anything they do.
For example, if I paint my fingernails green-
And it happens I do paint them green -
Well, i? someone should ask me why,
I think it's pretty.
I think it's pretty, that's what I reply.
So, if anyone should ask about you and me one day,
You have two alternatives:
You can either say: "Yes, it's true we're living in delicious sin,"
Or you can simply tell them the truth, and say...

(Sally sings)

I met this perfectly marvelous girl
In this perfectly wonderful place
As I lifted a glass to the start of a marvelous year.
Before you knew it she called on the phone, inviting.
Next moment I was no longer alone,
But sat reciting some perfectly beautiful verse
In my charming American style.
How I dazzled her senses was truly no less than a crime.
Now I've this perfectly marvelous girl
In my perfectly beautiful room,
And we're living together and having a marvelous time.

CLIFF
Sally, I'm afraid it wouldn't work. You're much too distracting.

SALLY
Distracting? No, inspiring!

(She sings.)

She tells me perfectly marvelous tales
Of her thrillingly scandalous life
Which I'll probably use as a chapter or two in my book.
And since my stay in Berlin was to force
Creation,
What luck to fall on a fabulous source
Of stimulation.
And perfectly marvelous too
Is her perfect agreement to Ъе
Just as still as a mouse when I'm giving my novel a whirl.
Yes, I've a highly agreeable life
In my perfectly beautiful room,
With my nearly invisible,
Perfectly marvelous girl.

(There is a noise at the door.)

Oh, it's the taxi man!

(The door bursts open, and there is the taxi man with a mountain of luggage.)

Hello, taxi man. Just put them anywhere. I'll unpack later.

(Cliff, a little dazed, points to all the baggage.)

Things do accumulate. I'll throw most of it away - tomorrow! I promise!

(Cliff helps the taxi man bring in the bags. Sally starts counting the pieces.)

One-two-three-four-five-

(She gives up.)

There's really not much point in counting. I never remember how many there're supposed to be.

(To Cliff)

Can you let me have three marks? That includes the tip.

(Cliff hands her a bill.)

Thank you.

(Sally hands the bill to the taxi man, who tips his cap and exits. There is a pause.)

So quite seriously, Cliff - please may I stay?

CLIFF
Sally, I can't afford-

SALLY
Only for a day or two-please?

CLIFF

(Singing)

I met this truly remarkable girl
In this really incredible town,
And she's skillfully managed to talk her way into my room.

SALLY
Oh, Cliff!

CLIFF
I have a terrible feeling I've said a dumb thing;
Besides, I've only got one narrow bed.

SALLY
We'll think of something.

CLIFF
And now this wild, unpredictable girl

SALLY
And this perfectly beautiful man

BOTH
Will be living together and having a marvelous time.

(They are in each other's arms as the lights fade.)

↑ Return to Top ↑

(The M.C. appears, followed by two sexy ladies.)

M.C.
Everybody in Berlin has a perfectly marvelous roommate. Some people have two people!

FIRST LADY

(Singing)

Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

SECOND LADY
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee
Deedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
Two ladies

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
Two ladies

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
And I'm the only man, ja!

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
I like it.

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
They like it.

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
This two for one.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES
Two ladies

M.C.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES
Two Ladies

M.C.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES
And he's the only man!

M.C.
Ja!

ALL
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

FIRST LADY
He likes it.

M.C.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

SECOND LADY
We like it.

M.C.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES
This two for one.

FIRST LADY
I do the cooking.

SECOND LADY
And I make the bed.

M.C.
I go out daily to earn our daily bread.
But we've one thing in common-

FIRST LADY
He!

M.C.
She

SECOND LADY
And me!

FIRST LADY
The key!

M.C.
Beedle-dee

SECOND LADY
The key!

M.C.
Beedle-dee
The key!

LADIES
Beedle-deedle-deedle-dee

(They dance.)

M.C.
We switch-partners daily
To flay as we please.

LADIES
Twosie beats onesie,

M.C.
But nothing beats threes.
I sleep in the middle.

FIRST LADY
I'm left.

SECOND LADY
And I'm right.

M.C.
But there's room on the bottom if you drop in some night.

LADIES
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
Two ladies
Beedle-dee-deeble-dee-dee

LADIES
Two ladies
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
And he's the only man, jal

ALL
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
I like it.

ALL
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

M.C.
We like it.

ALL
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
This two for one
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

(They exit.)

↑ Return to Top ↑

(Fraulein Schneider's living roam. It is dominated by a large sofa which nestles between two hideous end tables. An old Gramophone lurks in the background. Doors lead from the living room to the rooms of Fraulein Kost and Herr Schultz also to the bedroom of Fraulein Schneider. A large double door leads outside. A hallway extends offstage, leading to still more rooms. As the lights come up Fraulein Kost is entering through the double door with a German sailor. He pinches her. She screams. And Fraulein Schneider zooms out of her room to accost them.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
That sailor! Out of my house!

FRAULEIN KOST
That sailor-dear lady-is my brother!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Out! Out! Out!

(The German sailor exits through the double door.)

FRAULEIN KOST
Wait! Wait! How dare you! You think it is easy - finding a sailor? This was only my second one since New Year's. And what is it now? April!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Your second? Your second? You think I do not know what goes on here? Sailors-all the time. In-out-in-out! God only knows what the neighbors must think I have here - a battleship?

(Outraged)

Fraulein Kost, I give you warning! One sailor more - I call the police!

FRAULEIN KOST
And if I cannot pay the rent?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
The rent is due each Friday - as always.

FRAULEIN KOST
No sailors. No rent. I move.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Move?

FRAULEIN KOST
Move!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Upset)

And what am I supposed to do with your room? Out of the blue - she tells me "I move!" Is that gratitude? Only last week I gave you another new mattress!

FRAULEIN KOST
All right! I will leave the end of the week-since you insist.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I insist? You insist!

FRAULEIN KOST
And what about the sailors?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
The sailors?

(She mulls it over and reaches a decision.)

Fraulein Kost - if you wish to continue living here, do not let me catch you bringing in any more sailors? You understand?

FRAULEIN KOST

(Haughtily)

Very well. So it is the same as always.

(She goes into her room and closes the door.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
It is not the same as always!

(She knocks on Fraulein Kost's door.)

Fraulein Kost! You hear me? I have put my foot down!

(She knocks again.)

Fraulein Kost! Fraulein Kost!

(Meanwhile, Herr Schultz has emerged from his room, wearing his best suit and carrying a brown paper bag.)

SCHULTZ
Fraulein Schneider-Good evening!

(Fraulein Schneider sees Herr Schultz. She quickly and adroitly switches from AC to DC.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Herr Schultz! Such a surprise!

SCHULTZ
You are occupied?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
No. No. Free as a bird. Please forgive my appearance.

(She indicates her dress. If necessary, she could wear it to the opera - and she knows it.)

SCHULTZ
But it is most becoming.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Thank you.

SCHULTZ

(Indicating the paper bag.)

I have brought you a little something from the shop.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Another little something?

(Herr Schultz hands her the bag.)

SCHULTZ
With my compliments.

(Fraulein Schneider feels the bag.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
So heavy! But what can it be? Pears?

(She shakes her head merrily.)

Last Wednesday you brought me pears. And such pears! Apples, possibly?

(She rejects the idea.)

Friday was apples.

SCHULTZ

(Nods)

Friday was apples.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
So I cannot guess...

SCHULTZ
Then open!

(Fraulein Schneider peers into the bag.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Herr Schultz! Can I believe what I see?

(Herr Schultz nods proudly)

But this is - too much to accept. So rare-so costly - so luxurious.

(She sings.)

If you bought me diamonds, If you bought me pearls,
If you bought me roses like some other gents
Might bring to other girls,
It couldn't please me more
Than the gift I see -

(She takes a large pineapple out of the bag.)

A pineapple for me!

SCHULTZ

(Singing)

If, in your emotion,
You began to sway,
Went to get some air,
Or grabbed a chair
To keep from fainting dead away,
It couldn't please me more
Than to see you cling
To the pineapple I bring.

BOTH
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I can hear Hawaiian breezes blow.

BOTH
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

SCHULTZ
It's from California.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Even so,
How am I to thank you?

SCHULTZ
Kindly let it pass.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Would you like a slice?

SCHULTZ
That might be nice,
But frankly, it - would give me gas.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Then we shall leave it here -
Not to eat, but see.

BOTH
A pineapple.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
For me!

SCHULTZ
From me!

BOTH
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah

(They dance.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But you must not bring me any more pineapples! Do you hear? It is not proper. It is a gift a young man would present to his lady love. It makes me blush!

SCHULTZ
But there is no one-no one in all Berlin - who is more deserving! If I could, I would fill your entire room with pineapples!

(Fraulein Schneider is quite surprised by this. Herr Schultz is even more surprised. He had no idea he was going to say it.)

BOTH

(Singing)

A pineapple...

SCHULTZ
For you!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
From you!

BOTH
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

(The music continues.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I think I will He down for a few minutes. My head is spinning.

SCHULTZ
Good evening, Fraulein.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Good evening, Herr Schultz.

(They shake hands. Fraulein Schneider opens her bedroom door, then turns to Herr Schultz.)

I am - overwhelmed!

(She goes in and closes the door. The music ends. Herr Schultz is all atingle. He makes a decision. He is about to knock on Fraulein Schneider's door when suddenly he hears a sound. He jumps back from the door. He kneels down as if looking for something. Fraulein Kost opens her door and comes out. She wonders why Herr Schultz is so far from his own door.)

FRAULEIN KOST
Good evening, Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ
Good evening, Fraulein Kost. I am looking for - I think I dropped - a small coin - a groschen. It rolled this way.

FRAULEIN KOST
You're looking for a groschen?

(Meaningfully)

I'm looking for two marks.

(Fraulein Kost exits. Herr Schultz goes again to Fraulein Schneider's door. He knocks. Immediately the door swings open. He swiftly enters. The door closes.)

↑ Return to Top ↑

(A group of waiters are seen on the spiral staircase. They are handsome, well-scrubbed, idealistic. The M.C. is seated stage right.)

WAITERS

(Singing)

The sun on the meadow is summery warm,
The stag in the forest runs free,
But gather together to greet the storm,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
The branch of the linden is leafy and green,
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea,
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

(The M.C. joins the waiters in song.)

Oh, Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come when the world is mine,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

(The waiters disappear upstage, leaving a leering M.C. alone as the lights dim.)

↑ Return to Top ↑

(Cliff's room. Sally's things are everywhere - on the floor, bulge out of the drawers, peeking out of the closets. Cliff is at the writing desk, typing. Sally enters with groceries, kisses Cliff, takes off her fur coat, and comes over to see what he is writing.)

CLIFF
It's not the novel. It's a letter to my mother - thanking her for the check.

SALLY
It finally arrived!

(Cliff indicates the check from his mother.)

CLIFF
Everyone at home's very thrilled the novel's going so well. Any day now they're expecting to see it in the bookstores.

SALLY
Oh, Cliff!

CLIFF
I may not be a good novelist, but I'm a very good liar. And I write a hell of a letter.

SALLY
It's my fault. If I weren't always dragging you off to party after party...

CLIFF
But I like those parties. The truth is, I like this whole city. It's so tacky and terrible - and everyone's having such a great time. If this were a movie, you know what would happen? A volcano would erupt - or there'd be a tidal wave...

SALLY
Maybe you should write for films! And I'll star in them! Oh, Cliff - wouldn't that be heaven!

CLIFF
Heaven! Just as soon as I finish the novel.

SALLY
There must be something to write about?

CLIFF
Or someone? Sally Bowles? Who would ever believe it?

SALLY
You're right - I'm much too strange and extraordinary! Much! And much too distracting...

CLIFF
Distracting? Nonsense! What about Venice? What about Rome? There was no Sally Bowles then - and no novel either. I was just drifting...

SALLY
And now you're sleepwalking. Is that better?

CLIFF
Sleepwalking? Who said that?

SALLY
You did. Last night.

CLIFF
I was drunk last night. Anyway - I said it was possible I was sleepwalking. And - if I am - who cares? What's the point in opening my eyes?

(Singing)

Why should I wake up?
This dream is going so well.
When you're enchanted,
Why break the spell?
Drifting in this euphoric state,
Morning can wait.
Let it come late.
Why should I wake up?
Why waste a drop of the wine?
Don't I adore you?
And aren't you mine?
Maybe I'll someday be lonely again.
But why should I wake up till then?

SALLY
Even so, Cliff - I've always said: When you want me to go, I'll go...even this very minute. I've never stayed so long with anyone.

CLIFF
Let's not talk about that!

(Singing)

Drifting in this euphoric state,
Morning can wait.
Let it come late.
Why should 1 wake up?
Why waste a drop of the wine?
Don't I adore you?
And aren't you mine?
Maybe I'll someday be lonely again.
But why should I wake up,
Why should 1 wake up till then?

There's a letter for you from England.

SALLY
England?

(She is afraid to take the letter from him.)

CLIFF
It won't bite.

SALLY
Don't be too sure.

(She picks up the letter and looks at the envelope.)

It's from Sybil! She's just a mad girl I used to go to school with! We were utterly wild - smoking cigarettes and not wearing bloomers! Our parents predicted we'd both come to a bad end - and the truth is - she did.

CLIFF
Why? What happened?

SALLY
She met this absolutely dreary boy and fell hopelessly in love with him and married him and now they have two children.

(She indicates the letter.)

Probably another one on the way.

(Pause)

It looks as if everybody's got one on the way.

(There is a pause. Cliff looks at Sally.)

CLIFF
What? Are you sure?

(Sally nods.)

How long have you known?

SALLY
Oh - a day or two.

CLIFF
Good God! How do you feel about it?

SALLY
I don't know, Cliff. I was going to ask how you feel.

CLIFF
Terrible! How else could I feel? I haven't got a dime! I haven't got - anything!

SALLY
It does seem - a bad idea. Good heavens, if you find me distracting - can you imagine a baby!

CLIFF
It's just not the time.

SALLY
I think you're perfectly right. So what shall we do?

(Pause)

The usual thing?

(No answer)

Cliff...?

CLIFF
It's not the first time - is it?

SALLY
Oh, Cliff - remember - you mustn't ever ask me questions! The truth is, I should never have told you about the baby. But I thought if you didn't mind - perhaps I wouldn't mind. It might even have been rather - nice. But now we know where we stand. The subject is closed.

CLIFF
Will I ever be able to figure you out?

SALLY
After all, it's as much my fault as yours.

CLIFF
You are the world's craziest girl. It's no easy matter, you know, being in love with the world's craziest girl.

(They kiss.)

Who says I'd be a terrible father?

SALLY
But is it the time?

CLIFF
Yes! It's time. Time I got a job.

SALLY
What about your novel?

CLIFF
If I'm going to be a writer, I'll be a writer - in the evening, in the morning, in the bathtub. This might be the best thing that ever happened to me.

SALLY
And I'll go back to the Kit Kat Klub!

CLIFF
Oh, no!

(There is a knock on the door.)

Come in!

(The door opens and, Ernst Ludwig is there.)

ERNST
Clifford - Sally -

(They shake hands.)

I do not wish to intrude, but I have urgent business.

SALLY
Would you like something? A drink?

ERNST
Only if you will join me.

(Cliff nods. Sally starts pouring three glasses of whiskey.)

CLIFF

(To Ernst)

What's on your mind?

ERNST
You remember - I mentioned the possibility of an occasional business trip to Paris...

(Cliff nods.)

If you are interested - I think - in the next few days...

CLIFF
What would I have to do?

ERNST
It is so very simple. You go to an address I will give you - you pick up a small briefcase - you bring it back to Berlin. And then I pay you seventy - five marks!

SALLY
Seventy - five marks! Cliff - it's a gift from heaven!

ERNST
And I promise you are giving help to a very good cause.

CLIFF
Well, whatever it is, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.

ERNST
As you wish. But you will go?

SALLY
Of course he will!

ERNST
Clifford?

CLIFF
You see how it is? And we're not even married yet.

ERNST
Married! But such a surprise! My congratulations! Sally, congratulations. And when is the wedding to be?

(Cliff shrugs his shoulders.)

CLIFF
We haven't decided yet. This all just happened today.

ERNST
Today?

SALLY
Of course. We only found out today.

(Ernst looks at Sally very quizzically. Cliff quickly raises his glass of whiskey.)

CLIFF
That we're going to be rich! Here - drink up! I mean, Prosit!
(Sally and Ernst raise their glasses.)

SALLY, ERNST AND CLIFF
Prosit!

(They drink as the lights fade.)

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SALLY
Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time, for the first time
Love won't hurry away

He will hold me fast
I'll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time
And the time before

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me
'Lady peaceful', 'lady happy'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favour
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me
'Lady peaceful', 'lady happy'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favour
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win

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(At the top of the spiral staircase, the M.C. appears. He wears expensive clothes and flashy jewelry.)

M.C.
Prosit! You see? There's more than one way to make money!

(He sings.)

My father needs money,
My uncle needs money,
My mother is thin as a reed.
But me, I'm sitting pretty -
I've got all the money I need.

My dearest friend Fritzy
Is out of his - wits, he
Has four starving children to feed.
But me, I'm sitting pretty -
I've got all the money I need.

I know my little cousin Eric
Has his creditors hysterical,
And also Cousin Herman
Had to pawn his mother's ermine,

And my sister and my brother
Took to hocking one another, too.
But I've got some talents
Which build up my balance,
So even my bankers agreed
That me, I'm sitting pretty -
I've got all the money I need.

You wonder where I get my money? I have something to sell. Love! For all tastes! From all over! Meet Olga, my Russian ruble!

(A beautiful Russian girl enters, her bosom covered with rubles. The M.C. helps himself to a few rubles.)

The Russian ruble will never collapse! Sushi, my Japanese yen!

(A stunning Japanese girl enters, a yen on each breast. The M.C. takes one yen.)

I have one yen.

(He takes the other.)

I have two yen.

(He turns to the audience.)

You have a yen? My French franc! Viola!

(A gorgeous French girl enters owith a French franc in her hand, which she gives the M.C.)

And now -
Ladies and Gentlemen -
My American buck!

(A beautiful American girl enters, an American dollar in the beak of the eagle headdress she wears. He takes the dollar and sings.)

I know my little cousin Eric
Has his creditors hysterical,
And also Cousin Herman
Had to pawn his mother's ermine,
And my sister and my brother
Took to hocking one another, too.
But, I'm not a nincompoop.
I've got an income you
Put in the bank to accrue.
Yes, me, I'm sitting pretty -
Life is pretty sitting with you!

(They dance.)

And now, Brunnhilde, my German mark - you can't keep that girl down!

(She rises from behind the piano and "flies" straight up in the air. She poses for a brief moment, and as she is descending, he hits the gong that is between her legs.)

ALL

(Singing)

Life is pretty sitting with,
Pretty sitting with,
Pretty sitting with you!

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(Fraulein Schneider's living room is empty. Then Fraulein Kost's door opens slowly. Fraulein Kost looks out. All seems to be clear. A sailor emerges. Just at this moment, Fraulein Schneider opens her bedroom door. The two ladies spot each other.)

FRAULEIN KOST
All right! There is no need to say it! I know it by heart already!

(The sailor exits. For some strange reason, Fraulein Schneider says nothing.)

So no lectures-please-about sailors! They are just lonesome, patriotic boys! I have a duty!

(Fraulein Schneider still says nothing. She looks vaguely uncomfortable. Inexplicably, Fraulein Schneider goes back into her bedroom and closes the door. Fraulein Kost is quite surprised. She goes into her room. A moment later, Fraulein Kost opens her door and another sailor emerges. As she is about to close her door, Fraulein Schneider's door opens and Herr Schultz peeks out. Fraulein Kost sees him but he doesn't see her. Both doors close. After a while, Fraulein Schneider's door opens and Herr Schultz starts out, followed by Fraulein Schneider. At this point, Fraulein Kost opens her door and she comes out - very brazenly - followed by yet another sailor. For Fraulein Schneider's benefit, Fraulein Kost hugs and kisses the sailor at great length.)

Goodnight, Karl.

SAILOR

(Correcting her)

Fritz.

FRAULEIN KOST
Fritz - you must be sure to come back again soon. At any time.

(Taking money from him)

Bring your friends.

(The sailor exits. Fraulein Kost waltzes up to Fraulein Schneider.)

Ah-good evening, Fraulein Schneider. A busy evening, no? I see we are - after all - sisters under the skin.

SCHULTZ
Fraulein Kost!

FRAULEIN KOST
Yes?

SCHULTZ
This fine lady is not your sister! She has just honored me by consenting to give me her hand in marriage!

FRAULEIN KOST

(Really amazed)

Marriage!

SCHULTZ
We marry in - three weeks.

FRAULEIN KOST
Three weeks!

SCHULTZ
So a little respect for the future Frau Schultz - if you please!

FRAULEIN KOST
Ja! Ja Frau Schultz?

(Chastened - she exits into her room.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Herr Schultz. You were supreme.

SCHULTZ
But what else could I do?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Such a magnificent lie-to preserve my reputation.

SCHULTZ
But why did I say three weeks? Why not three months? Three years? This way she will find out the truth so quickly. Unless -

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Unless?

SCHULTZ
Unless what?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
You said "unless"!

SCHULTZ
But it is foolish! I mean - after all - who would have me? An elderly widower - with gray hair - and heartburn and a little fruit...

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Am I such a bargain then? An unbeautiful spinster with a few rooms to let - poorly furnished.

SCHULTZ
I work fourteen hours a day.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I do my own scrubbing.

SCHULTZ
My right leg bothers me.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I have such palpitations.

SCHULTZ
I'm not a well man.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Am I a well woman?

SCHULTZ
What are we talking about? We're alive! And what good is it - alone? So if you would even consider - marriage...?

(There is a long pause.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I will consider it.

SCHULTZ
But take your time, by all means. No hurry.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Yes. I will consider it.

(They shake hands.)

But this much I can tell you. You have good reason to be very, very optimistic.

(Fraulein Schneider goes to her room. Herr Schultz, shaken, sings.)

SCHULTZ
How the world can change,
It can change like that
Due to one little word-
Married.
See a palace rise
From a two-room flat
Due to one little word-
Married
And the old despair
That was often there
Suddenly ceases to be.
For you wake one day,
Look around and say,
Somebody wonderful
Married me.

(The lights come up in Fraulein Schneider's bedroom. Through the wall, we see Fraulein Schneider sitting thoughtfully on the edge of her bed.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Singing)

How the world can change,
It can change like that
Due to one little word -

SCHULTZ AND FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Married.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
See a palace rise
From a two-room flat
Due to one little word -

SCHULTZ AND FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Married.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
And the old despair
That was often there
Suddenly ceases to be.

SCHULTZ AND FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
For you wake one day,
Look around and say,

SCHULTZ
Somebody wonderful,

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Somebody wonderful

SCHULTZ AND FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Married me.

(The light goes out in Fraulein Schneider's bedroom. She comes out of her door and back to the living room.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Herr Schultz-I have considered your proposal.

SCHULTZ
So quickly?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Nods)

I can think of no arguments against it. And so - if you still desire me - I am yours.

SCHULTZ
If I desire ...? If? I must tell someone the good news! I must tell everyone! Good news! Good news!

(Schultz rushes to one of the doors and starts knocking on it.)

Is anyone there? I have news! Exciting news!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But that is your own door!

SCHULTZ
Oh! Good news! Good news! Come and hear!

(Sally enters through the double door.)

SALLY
What's going on?

SCHULTZ
Fraulein Sally! Good news! Fraulein Schneider and I are to be married!

SALLY
Married! How wonderful! It's in the air! It must be!

SCHULTZ
I am so happy!

(He sits down.)

I never thought - I never thought I would be so fortunate.

SALLY
I've got the most perfect idea! When Cliff comes back from Paris, we're giving you an engagement party!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Engagement party? For two old people - it is not suitable.

SCHULTZ
What old people? I do not see any old people! But I will give the party! I will give it at my shop! And there will be music-dancing.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
And who will dance? How many people do we know?

SALLY
I'll do the inviting! I know lots of people!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I still think its foolish - this party - a waste of money!

SCHULTZ
Have you ever had an engagement party?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Of course not.

SCHULTZ
And neither have I. So - I ask you - what are we waiting for? It's time!

(The lights fade, except for a spot on Fraulein Schneider's Gramophone as Fraulein Schneider and Herr Schultz waltz off.)

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(The lights come up on Herr Schultz's fruit shop - all decorated for the party, which is in full swing. Prominent among the guests are the performers and girl orchestra from the Kit Kat Klub. Cliff enters carrying his suitcase and Ernst's briefcase. Sally kisses him.)

SALLY
Cliff! Was Paris divine?

CLIFF
Divine.

SALLY

(Indicating the briefcase)

Was there any trouble?

CLIFF
No. But I'll be happy to get rid of it. Is Ernst here?

SALLY
Not yet.

(Cliff takes off his overcoat and puts the briefcase with it on a counter.)

Come see the lovely gift we're giving Fraulein Schneider and Herr Schultz.

(Cliff embraces Fraulein Schneider.)

CLIFF
Fraulein...

(Asking Herr Schultz's approval to kiss her.)

May I?

(Herr Schultz nods. Cliff kisses Fraulein Schneider.)

Congratulations.

SALLY

(To Fraulein Schneider)

Now open your present. Be careful.

(Fraulein Schneider undoes the ribbon from a large white gift box.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Ah-Herr Schultz-look! Crystal!

SALLY
Cut crystal. It's for fruit.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Beautiful.

SCHULTZ
Thank you. And I will keep it filled. I promise - as long as we live - this bowl will not be empty.

(Everyone applauds. The door opens and Fraulein Kost enters.)

FRAULEIN KOST
Fraulein Schneider - I am welcome?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Fraulein Kost - forgive me! I did not invite you. But only because I know you work in the evening.

FRAULEIN KOST
Tonight I am free.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Aside)

I should live that long.

(She indicates that Fraulein Kost is welcome. Fraulein Kost points to the door.)

FRAULEIN KOST
My cousins?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
From Hamburg?

(Fraulein Kost nods.)

In!

FRAULEIN KOST
My cousins!

(Three sailors burst in. They find girls to dance with. Fraulein Kost stops one of them.)

Otto...

SAILOR

(Correcting her)

Rudy.

FRAULEIN KOST
Rudy - it's Fraulein Schneider's party. If you want to dance -dance with her!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
No-no.

FRAULEIN KOST
Dance with her, Otto!

SAILOR
Rudy!

(He comes up to Fraulein Schneider.)

It is my pleasure, Fraulein.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But I do not...And you are so young ...It is out of the question. Unthinkable - absolutely unthinkable. Absolutely.

(And she begins to dance with him - the fruit-shop dance. At the end of the dance, Ernst Ludwig enters. He has a swastika armband on his overcoat.)

ERNST
Clifford - Sally.

SALLY
Ernst!

ERNST
You have the briefcase?

(Cliff points to the swastika armband.)

Oh - I come direct from the meeting.

(Ernst takes his overcoat off. He is wearing a business suit.)

I am sorry, Clifford - since you did not wish to know my politics. However - the briefcase, please. You have it?

(Cliff hesitates. Sally hands it to Ernst.)

SALLY
Here it is.

CLIFF

(To Ernst.)

You said it was a good cause - if I remember correctly.

ERNST
And so it is! Our party will be the builders of the new Germany. And you are helping! So - for you -

(Ernst extends an envelope to Cliff. Cliff doesn't take it.)

Something wrong?

(Sally takes the envelope.)

SALLY
No. Of course not. Thank you, Ernst.

CLIFF

(To Ernst)

I've been reading your leader's book...

ERNST
Ah, yes. Mein Kampf.

CLIFF
Have you read it?

ERNST
Certainly!

CLIFF
Then I don't understand. I mean - that man is out of his mind. It's right there on every page...

ERNST
Clifford - this is not the time nor the place for such a discussion. Perhaps you would never understand. At any rate - now I find myself a flapper - enjoy the party.

(Ernst leaves Cliff and Sally. He goes up to Fraulein Schneider.)

Fraulein Schneider - I wish you much happiness!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Thank you.

ERNST
I am sorry to be late, but there was a meeting. An important business meeting.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
One does what one must.

ERNST
But now I look forward to a most delightful evening.

(Ernst wanders off-looking for a flapper. Herr Schultz, carrying a bottle of schnapps and some glasses, comes up to Fraulein Schneider.)

SCHULTZ
Schnapps?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
You've had enough.

(Herr Schultz watches the dancing couples admiringly.)

SCHULTZ
Beautiful dancing! Beautiful!

(He suddenly notes two boys dancing together. He looks around to see if anyone else has noticed.)

All right! Enough dancing! Enough! No more dancing!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But why?

SCHULTZ
No more dancing!

(The music stops. The dancers stop.)

Sit down, everyone! We do something else.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Something else? What else?

SCHULTZ
What else? What?

(Suddenly inspired)

I will entertain!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(To the guests, apologetically)

He has had too much schnapps...

SCHULTZ
But I insist! So you will not think my only talent is fruit.

(Herr Schultz sees to it that everyone is seated and ready.)

Now - the only word you have to know in order to understand my little song is the Yiddish word: "meeskite." "Meeskite" means ugly, funny-looking. "Meeskite" means...

(He sings.)

Meeskite, Meeskite,
Once upon a time there was a meeskite, meeskite,
Looking in the mirror he would say, "What an awful shock,
I got a face that could stop a clock."
Meeskite, meeskite,
Such a pity on him, he's a meeskite, meeskite,
God up in his heaven left him out on a shaky limb,
He put a meeskite on him.

But listen, he grew up. Even meeskites grow up.

(He sings again.)

And soon in the Chader (that means Hebrew school)
He sat beside this little girl
And when he asked her her name she replied,
"I'm Pearl."
He ran to the Zayda (that means grandfather)
And said in that screechy voice of his,
"You told me I was the homeliest!
Well, Gramps, you're wrong. Pearl is!
"Meeskite, meeskite,
No one ever saw a bigger meeskite, meeskite,
Everywhere a flaw and maybe that is the reason why
I'm going to love her until I die.
"Meeskite, meeskite,
Oh, is it a pleasure she's a meeskite, meeskite,
She's the one I'll treasure, for I thought there could, never be
A bigger meeskite than me."
So, they were married,
And in a year she turned and smiled:
"I'm afraid I am going to have ... a child."
Nine months she carried,
Worrying how that child would look,
And all the cousins were worried too.
But what a turn fate took!
Gorgeous, gorgeous,
They produced a baby that was gorgeous, gorgeous,
Crowding round the cradle all the relatives aahed and oohed,
"He ought to pose for a baby food.
"Gorgeous, gorgeous,
Would I tell a lie? He's simply gorgeous, gorgeous,
Who'd have ever thought that we would see such a flawless gem
Out of two meeskites like them?"
Sing with me, somebody? Fraulein Schneider? Herr Ludwig - we make a duet? Sally?

(Sally comes forward and sings with Herr Schultz.)

SCHULTZ AND SALLY
Meeskite, meeskite,
Once upon a time there was a meeskite, meeskite,
Looking in the mirror he would say,
"What an awful shock,
I got a face that could stop a clock."
Meeskite, meeskite,
What's the good denying I'm a meeskite, meeskite,
God up in his heaven made a joke for the world to see...

(Sally kisses Schultz and sits.)

SCHULTZ
He made a meeskite of me.

Now, wait! The story has a moral! All my stories have morals!

Moral, moral,
Yes indeed, the story has a moral, moral,
Though you're not a beauty it is nevertheless quite true,
There may be beautiful things in you.
Meeskite, meeskite,
Listen to the fable of the meeskite, meeskite,
Anyone responsible for loveliness, large or small,
Is not a meeskite
At all!

(All applaud except Ernst, who puts on his coat.)

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ERNST
Fraulein Schneider - Clifford - I wish to say good evening.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But why so early?

ERNST
I find that I do not belong here. I cannot stay.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
As you wish.

ERNST
Fraulein - you and I are old acquaintances. I have sent you many new lodgers...So let me urge you - think what you are doing. This marriage is not advisable. I cannot put it too strongly. For your own welfare.

CLIFF
What about Herr Schultz's welfare?

ERNST
He is not a German.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
But he was born here!

ERNST
He is not a German. Good evening.

(Ernst goes to the door. As he reaches it, Fraulein Kost runs up to him.)

FRAULEIN KOST
Herr Ludwig - wait! You are not leaving so early?

ERNST
I do not find the party amusing.

FRAULEIN KOST
Oh - but it is just beginning! Come-we will make it amusing - you and I, ja?

(She pulls Ernst back into the center.)

Ladies and gentlemen - quiet please! Quiet!

(To Ernst)

Herr Ludwig - this is for you.

(She sings.)

The sun on the meadow is summery warm,
The stag in the forest runs free.
But gather together to greet the storm,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
Ja?
The branch of the linden is leafy and green,
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea.
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
Herr Ludwig! Sing with me!

(Ernst, wearing the coat with the swastika armband, goes to her side. The guests form a circle around them, as if magnetically attracted.)

FRAULEIN KOST AND ERNST

(Singing)

The babe in his cradle is closing his eyes,
The blossom embraces the bee.
But soon, says a whisper, arise, arise,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

FRAULEIN KOST
And now - everyone!

(The guests join in the singing - their voices growing louder and louder, even rather frightening. Only Fraulein Schneider, Herr Schultz, Cliff and Sally remain outside the circle.)

FRAULEIN KOST, ERNST AND GUESTS

(Singing)

Oh, Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come when the world is mine,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

(As the song ends amid cheers and applause, the M.C. appears at the top of the spiral stairs - puffing on a cigar. He takes in the scene: Fraulein Schneider and Cliff watching the singers with great concen - Herr Schultz and Sally laughing, unaware of what is happening. As the M.C. descends the stairs the fruit shop vanishes. The people on stage freeze against a black background. The M.C. slowly crosses the stage - looking at everyone. Then he turns to the audience. He shrugs, he smiles, and exits.)

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(Eight girls dance out on stage - obviously the Kit Kat Klub chorus. They do a spirited dance of high kicks. Suddenly we are aware that one of the girls is the M.C. As the dance begins to fall apart, we hear the ominous sound of military drums; the music changes to a martial version of "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" as the M.C. and girls goose-step offstage.)

(Inside Herr Schultz's shop, Herr Schultz is taking down some of the remaining party decorations. Passers-by can be seen through the windows. Fraulein Schneider enters. She is obviously troubled.)

SCHULTZ
Fraulein Schneider - good morning!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Good morning, Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ
New apples. Fresh off the tree. Perfection!

(He wipes one off and hands it to her.)

Please...

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Refusing it)

Perhaps later.

SCHULTZ
Such a party last evening! I have never been to a finer party! Such food! Such music!

(Suddenly very contrite)

Can you ever forgive me?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
For what? A few glasses of schnapps?

SCHULTZ
I promise you - on our wedding day - no drinking - you will be proud of me.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I am already proud of you. But - as concerns the wedding...

SCHULTZ
Yes?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
There are problems. New problems.

SCHULTZ
If it is my drunkenness - I swear to you, Fraulein: I am not an alcoholic.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
There is a thing - far more serious.

SCHULTZ
A new problem...?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
New to me - because I have not thought about it. But at the party my eyes were opened.

SCHULTZ
And?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I saw that one can no longer dismiss the Nazis. Because suddenly they are my friends and neighbors. And how many others? And - if so - is it possible they will come to power?

SCHULTZ
And you will be married to a Jew.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Frightened)

I need my license to rent my rooms! If they take it away...

SCHULTZ
They will take nothing away. I promise you.

(Softly)

I feels such tenderness for you. It is difficult to express. Are we too old for words like "love"?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Far too old. I am no Juliet. You are no Romeo. We must be sensible.

SCHULTZ
And live alone. How many meals have you eaten alone? A thousand? Ten thousand?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Fifty thousand.

SCHULTZ
Then be sensible. Governments come. Governments go. How much longer can we wait?

(Fraulein Schneider says nothing.)

Let me peel you an orange...

(Herr Schultz takes a knife and starts peeling an orange rather clumsily. The underscoring of the music to "Married" is heard. Fraulein Schneider reaches for the orange.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I will do it.

(She peels the orange. For a moment, we are back to the mood of their scenes in the first act.)

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SCHULTZ

(Singing)

And the old despair
That was often there
Suddenly ceases to be.
For you wake one day,
Look around and say,
Somebody wonderful
Married me.

(A brick crashes through the window. Fraulein Schneider and Herr Schultz jump up.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
You see? You see!

SCHULTZ
It is nothing! Children on their way to school! Mischievous children! Nothing more! I assure you!

(Herr Schultz runs out. We see him outside the broken window, looking for the culprit and questioning the onlookers. No one seems to have seen anything. Herr Schultz comes back in.)

Schoolchildren. Young - full of mischief. You understand?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Slowly - thoughtfully)

I understand.

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(The M.C. enters, walking hand-in-hand - with a gorilla. The gorilla is really rather attractive - as gorillas go. She wears a chic little skirt and carries a handbag.)

M.C.

(Singing)

I know what you're thinking -
You wonder why I chose her
Out of all the ladies in the world.
That's just a first impression -
What good's a first impression?
If you knew her like I do,
It would change your point of view.

If you could see her through my eyes,
You wouldn't wonder at all.
If you could see her through my eyes,
I guarantee you would fall like I did.

When we're in public together,
I hear society groan.
But if they could see her through my eyes,
Maybe they'd leave us alone.

How can I speak of her virtues?
I don't know where to begin:
She's clever, she's smart, she reads music,
She doesn't smoke or drink gin like I do.

Yet when we're walking together,
They sneer if I'm holding her hand.
But if they could see her through my eyes,
Maybe they'd all understand.

(They waltz)

I understand your objection,
I grant you the problem's not small.
But if you could see her through my eyes,
She isn't a meeskite at all!

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(Cliff's room. Sally is dressing to go out. Cliff enters, wearing a coat.)

SALLY
Cliff! I've been waiting so anxiously! Did you get a job?

CLIFF
I'll try again tomorrow.

SALLY
And you'll find something! I'm sure of it! President of a bank!

CLIFF
They're closed.

SALLY
Guess who visited me today! Bobby and Victor! From the Kit Kat! You remember them?

CLIFF
How could I forget them?

SALLY
They say business at the Klub's way off since I left. And Lulu - one of the girls - had her teeth knocked out by a Lithuanian. Oh - and Max...you remember Max? He's fallen madly in love. And it turns out she's a dedicated Communist and a dedicated virgin. Isn't that heaven!

CLIFF
Heaven.

SALLY
Would you simply hate it if I went back to work at the Klub?

CLIFF
I sure would.

SALLY
But we need the money so badly!

CLIFF
Not that badly.

SALLY
I don't understand you. Really I don't. First you tell me you're not going to Paris for Ernst any more - even though it does seem the very easiest way in the world to make money -

CLIFF
Or the hardest.

(Sally looks at him blankly.)

Someday I've simply got to sit you down and read you a newspaper. You'll be amazed at what's going on.

SALLY
You mean - politics? But what has that to do with us?

CLIFF
You're right. Nothing has anything to do with us. Sally, can't you see - if you're not against all this, you're for it - or you might as well be.

SALLY
At any rate, the Kit Kat Klub is the most unpolitical place in Berlin. Even you've got to admit that.

CLIFF
Sally - do me a favor? Let me earn the money for this family. At least give me the chance. If I can't even get something - washing beer glasses - then we'll talk about you working in some cabaret. And after you've tried every other dub in Berlin, we might even talk about the Kit Kat Klub. And I imagine I'll still say no. But - who knows? By that time I may be almost ready to listen to reason. Okay?

(There is a knock at the door.)

Come in!

(The door opens. Fraulein Schneider is there. She carries a large gift-wrapped package.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I intrude?

SALLY
No. No. Come in, Fraulein Schneider.

CLIFF

(To Fraulein Schneider)

Have you see Herr Schultz this morning?

(Fraulein Schneider nods.)

How is he? A little hung-over?

(She nods again.)

SALLY
Fraulein Schneider - is that the fruit bowl? Is something wrong with it?

(She indicates the package Fraulein Schneider is carrying.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER

(Shaking her head)

I cannot keep it.

SALLY
But why?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
An engagement present. But there is no engagement.

SALLY
What do you mean?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
We have - reconsidered - Herr Schultz and I.

CLIFF
Fraulein, you can't give up that way!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
Oh, yes! I can. That is easy to say! Easy for you. Fight! And - if you fail - what does it matter? You pack your belongings. You move to Paris. And if you do not like Paris - where? It is easy for you. But if you were me...

(She sings.)

With time rushing by,
What would you do?

With the clock running down,
What would you do?
The young always have the cure-
Being brave, being sure
And free,
But imagine if you were me.
Alone like me,
And this is the only world you know.
Some rooms to let -
The sum of a lifetime, even so.

I'll take your advice.
What would you do?

Would you pay the price?
What would you do?

Suppose simply keeping still
Means you manage until the end?
What would you do,
My brave young friend?

Grown old like me,
With neither the will nor wish to run;
Grown tired like me,
Who hurries for bed when day is done;
Grown wise like me,
Who isn't at war with anyone -
Not anyone!
With a storm in the wind,
What would you do?

Suppose you're one frightened voice
Being told what the choice must be.

Go on, tell me,
I will listen.
What would you do If you were me?

CLIFF
Aren't you forgetting something? If you marry Herr Schultz - whatever problems come up - you'll still have each other.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
All my life I have managed for myself - and it is too old a habit to change. I have battled alone, and I have survived. There was a war - and I survived. There was a revolution - and I survived. There was an inflation - billions of marks for one loaf of bread - but I survived! And if the Nazis come - I will survive. And if the Communists come - I will still be here - renting these rooms! For, in the end, what other choice have I? This - is my world!

(Softly)

I regret - very much - returning the fruit bowl. It is truly magnificent. I regret - everything.

(She exits.)

SALLY
Oh, Cliff-how terrible. Should I speak to her?

CLIFF
What could you say?

SALLY
Oh - that it will all work itself out -

CLIFF
I don't think she'd believe you.

SALLY
It seems nobody believes me today. It's quite obvious you don't - about Max. If he wants me back at the Klub, it's not for the reason you think. Did it ever occur to you I just might be a tremendous asset to that Klub? The fact is, they're waiting there this very minute - to rehearse my numbers. So I really must go.

(Cliff has gone to his typewriter, opened it, and started to dust it with his handkerchief.)

CLIFF
The fact is, you're going a lot farther than the Kit Kat Klub.

SALLY
I am?

CLIFF
Home.

(Sally looks at him blankly.)

America - since you won't go to England.

SALLY
You're joking!

(Cliff indicates the typewriter.)

CLIFF
I'm going to sell this. The money should get us as far as Paris. And I'll cable home for steamship fare.

SALLY
What are you talking about?

CLIFF
Leaving Berlin - as soon as possible. Tomorrow!

SALLY
But we love it here!

CLIFF
Sally - wake up! The party in Berlin is over! It was lots of fun, but it's over. And what is Berlin doing now? Vomiting in the street.

SALLY
How ugly, Cliff!

CLIFF
You're damn right it's ugly! And it's going to get a lot worse. So how could we live here? How could we raise a family?

SALLY
But is America the answer? Running away to America?

CLIFF
We're not running away. There's no place to run to. We are going home.

SALLY
Oh, certainly - that's fine for you. But what about me? My career?

CLIFF
You've got a new career.

SALLY
But I can work at the Klub for several months at least. And then - in November - oh, Cliff, I want the world for our baby - all the most elegant, expensive things.

CLIFF
We'll talk about it tomorrow - on the train.

(He finishes preening the typewriter. He closes it and starts for the door with it.)

SALLY
Cliff - wait! We can't just - uproot our lives - that quickly!

CLIFF
Oh, no? You give me one hour! And don't move!

(He pushes her into a chair.)

Sit down! Or - better yet - start packing!

(He puts a suitcase on the bed.)

There's plenty to do!

(Cliff goes toward the door. Then he reaches into a pocket, takes out a coin and gives it to Sally in a gesture of reconciliation.)

Here. Call the Klub. Tell them goodbye.

(Cliff exits. Sally looks at the coin. Then she makes up her mind. She springs up, grabs her fur coat and rushes out the door.)

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M.C.
I don't care much
Go or stay
I don't care very much
Either way

Hearts grow hard
On a windy street
Lips grow cold
With the rent to meet
So if you kiss me
If we touch
Warning's fair
I don't care very much

I don't care much
Go or stay
I don't care very much
Either way

Words sound false
When your coat's too thin
Feet don't waltz
When the roof caves in
So if you kiss me
If we touch
Warning's fair
I don't care very much

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(A crowded evening at the Kit Kat Klub. Cliff enters.)

WAITER
Good evening, sir.

(Cliff sees Sally at the bar and goes to her.)

CLIFF
What the hell are you doing here? I -

SALLY
May I speak for a moment?

CLIFF
Get your coat! I'm taking you home!

SALLY

(Pulling Cliff to a table.)

Please, Cliff! If we go to America, there's no assurance you can get a job. There is a great deal of unemployment there. You've said so yourself.

CLIFF
I'll find something.

SALLY
Maybe, but this is sure!

CLIFF
This! What the hell is this? You keep talking about this as if it really existed. When are you going to realize, the only way you got this job is by sleeping with somebody!

SALLY
That's not true!

CLIFF
And the only way you'll get a job in New York or Paris or London is by sleeping with someone else! But you're sleeping with me these days!

SALLY
Shut up, Cliff!

CLIFF
Sally, face it. Say goodbye to Berlin, Max, this dump, everybody. Believe me, they'll never even know you've left.

SALLY
I've got to change for my next number.

(She runs off.)

CLIFF
Sally!

(But she is gone. Cliff is trembling with anger. The phone on his table lights up. He answers it.)

CLIFF
Hello.

(A spotlight picks up Ernst Ludwig, who is sitting at a table with an attractive girl.)

ERNST

(Into his phone)

Clifford - this is Ernst Ludwig. I am at table nine. Will you join me for a drink?

CLIFF
Not now, Ernst.

ERNST
I have been trying to reach you at Fraulein Schneider's - but you do not answer. I have another urgent errand for you.

CLIFF
Sorry.

ERNST
This time I pay - one hundred and fifty marks.

CLIFF
The answer is no.

ERNST
But what is wrong, Clifford? You are angry with me?

CLIFF
I am?

ERNST
It is because of the party last evening? If you were a German, you would understand these things.

CLIFF
Goodbye, Ernst.

(Cliff hangs up. Ernst stands and comes toward Cliff, who is anxious to follow Sally.)

ERNST
Wait! It is very important - this errand. I pay - two hundred marks.

CLIFF
Go to hell!

(Cliff tries to leave. Ernst grabs him.)

ERNST
But what is wrong with you? I don't understand!

CLIFF
Take your hands off me.

(Ernst does.)

ERNST
Clifford - I know you need the money. So why won't you go? It is because of that Jew at the party?

(Cliff socks Ernst, knocking him down. Immediately two men wearing Nazi armbands jump on Cliff - beating him unconscious. They drag him out of the Klub as the patrons watch. Ernst rises and goes back to his table. The M.C. appears - laughing rather hysterically - as if the fight were part of the floor show.)

M.C.
And now - once again - Fraulein Sally Bowles!

(Sally enters and sings.)

SALLY
What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

Put down the knitting, the book and the broom,
Time for a holiday.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

Come taste the wine,
Come hear the band,
Come blow a horn, start celebrating.
Right this way, your table's waiting.

No use permitting some prophet of doom
To wipe every smile away.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

I used to have a girl friend known as Elsie
With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea.
She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower;
As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour.

The day she died the neighbors came to snicker,
"Well, that's what comes of too much pills and liquor."
But when I saw her laid out like a queen,
She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen.

I think of Elsie to this very day.
I remember how she'd turn to me and say...

(Sally has walked off the Kit Kat Klub stage. She heads directly downstage as the Kit Kat Klub disappears. Sally stands alone.)

What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

Put down the knitting, the book and the broom,
Time for a holiday.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

And as for me, as for me,
I made my mind up back in Chelsea.
When I go, I'm going like Elsie!

Start by admitting from cradle to tomb
Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Only a cabaret, old chum,
And I love a cabaret!

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(Cliff's room. It is late morning. Cliff is busily packing. His face is bandaged and he moves a little stiffly. There is a knock at the door. Cliff rushes to the door and opens it. Herr Schultz is there.)

CLIFF

(Disappointed.)

Good morning, Herr Schultz.

(Herr Schultz enters. He has a suitcase in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other.)

SCHULTZ
Excuse me - but I have come to say goodbye.

(He sees Cliff's bandages.)

CLIFF
It's nothing. A little accident. Where are you going?

SCHULTZ
I have taken a room on the other side of the Nollen-dorfplatz. I think it will be easier for her.

(He notes all the packing.)

You are leaving also? You and Fraulein Bowles?

CLIFF
We're going home. To America.

SCHULTZ
America! I have sometimes thought of going there -

CLIFF
Why don't you? The way things look here -

SCHULTZ
But it will pass - I promise you!

CLIFF
I hope you're right.

SCHULTZ
I know I am right! Because I understand the Germans...After all, what am I? A German.

(The door opens and Sally enters. She looks ill and exhausted. She wears a thin dress and is carrying her purse. She stands at the door. Herr Schultz goes to her.)

Ah - Fraulein Sally! I have come to say goodbye...all good fortune.

SALLY
Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ
I have brought a small farewell gift.

(He gives Sally the paper bag.)

Seville oranges. Delicious.

(Sally hugs him. Then Cliff and Herr Schultz shake hands.)

CLIFF
Goodbye, Herr Schultz. And I wish you mazel.

SCHULTZ
Mazel. That is what we all need.

(He exits.)

CLIFF

(Artificially cheerful)

I've finished your packing. You've got a lot of stuff, lady. You won't be able to find a thing.

(Sally says nothing.)

We're going to Paris today...remember?

SALLY

(Looking at him)

Going...with that face?

(Her voice sounds very, very weary.)

CLIFF
I was in a little fight last night. Did you hear about it?

(Sally nods.)

You should see the other two guys.

(Pause)

Not a mark on them.

(He looks at his watch.)

Do you realize how late it is? Almost time to go to the station...

SALLY
The fact is, Cliff -

CLIFF
Don't say it. Whatever it is. Let's just - forget the last twelve hours. Forget what I said at the Kit Kat Klub. Forget you've gotten even with me staying out all night...okay?

(He takes her hand.)

You're so cold. Where's your coat? Your fur coat?

SALLY
You know what I'd love? A spot of gin! We've got some, don't we? I mean - I think one must!

CLIFF
First thing in the morning? How about a Prairie Oyster?

SALLY
Gin!

(She gets herself a drink.)

CLIFF
That can't be good for expectant mothers. We'll have to get some books on the subject. You know, I suddenly realize I don't know a damn thing about pregnancy. Where's your coat? Did you leave it at the Klub, or was it stolen?

SALLY
I left it at the doctor's office.

CLIFF
Were you sick last night? Is that why you didn't come home?

SALLY
Hals and beinbruch. It means neck and leg break. It's supposed to stop it from happening - though I doubt it does. I doubt you can stop anything happening. Any more than you can change people. I mean...

CLIFF
What do you mean?

SALLY
I mean - I'm not perfect. Far from it! I meet someone and I make all sorts of enormous promises. And then there's an argument - or something else ugly - and I suddenly realize I can't keep those promises - not possibly! Because I am still me!

CLIFF
Sally, what are you talking about?

SALLY
Oh, darling - you're such an innocent. Really! My one regret is I honestly believe you'd have been a wonderful father. And I'm sure someday you will be. Oh yes, and I've another regret: That greedy doctor! I'm going to miss my fur coat.

(Cliff slaps her.)

I'm glad you did that. Isn't it funny it always ends this way? Even when I finally do love someone terribly - for the first time. But it's still not - quite - enough. I'd spoil it, Cliff. I'd run away with the first exciting thing that came along. I guess I really am a rather strange and extraordinary person.

(Cliff is packing his bag.)

Cliff...I'm sorry. I'm so dreadfully, dreadfully sorry. Because...the truth is...I really would have liked...

(She can't go on. Cliff finishes his preparations for leaving. Then he takes out his wallet. He removes one of the railroad tickets and puts it down on the table.)

CLIFF
This is your ticket to Paris. You can cash it in...or tear it up...or do whatever you want with it.

(Cliff takes his suitcase and goes to the door.)

Sally...if...for any reason...you need to get in touch with me...in Paris...the American Express office.

(Sally looks at him.)

I'll be there at least a week.

(Cliff obviously can't force himself to go out the door. Sally wipes her eyes. She lights a cigarette in the long, long holder. She smiles - making a tremendous effort to be the old Sally again for a moment.)

SALLY
But - the truth is -

CLIFF
I've always rather hated Paris.

(She puffs on her cigarette. She smiles at Cliff, as if telling him that she will be perfectly fine without him.)

CLIFF

(Sadly)

Oh, Sally. Goodbye.

SALLY
Goodbye, Cliff. Dedicate your book to me!

(Cliff exits, closing the door behind him. Sally takes the long cigarette holder out of her mouth. Her smile fades. She turns to the door as the lights dim very slowly. Before the light come back up, where hear:)

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE
Letzte ansage! Berlin-Paris Express abfahrt vier uhr bahnsteig siebzehn. Alle einsteigen, bitte! Letzte ansagel

(The lights go up on a railroad compartment. Cliff is alone in it. He has a writing pad on his lap, a pencil in his hand. Two customs officer enter from the corridor.)

OFFICER
Deutsche grenzkontrolle. Ihren pass, bitte.

(Cliff hands it to him. He hands it back to Cliff.)

I hope you have enjoyed your stay in Germany, Mr. Bradshaw. And you will return soon again?

CLIFF
It's not very likely.

OFFICER
You did not find our country beautiful?

CLIFF

(Tonelessly)

Yes, I found it - beautiful.

OFFICER
A good journey, sir.

(The officer tips his cap and exits. Cliff looks at his writing pad. He crosses out a few words, then adds a few. He reads what hehas written.)

CLIFF
"There was a cabaret and there was a master of ceremonies and there was a city called Berlin in a country called Germany - and it was the end of the world and I was dancing with Sally Bowles - and we were both fast asleep..."

(Singing)

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome,
Fremde, etranger, stranger.

(The M.C. has entered and come downstage. He moves his lips soundlessly as Cliff sings. Then he begins singing along with Cliff.)

CLIFF AND M.C.
Glucklich zu sehen,
Je suis enchante,
Happy to see you.

(Then Cliff stops singing and the M.C. finishes alone as the train moves upstage.)

M.C.
Bleibe, reste, stay,
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome,
Im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret!

Meine Damen und Herren - Mesdames et Messieurs - Ladies and Gentlemen. Where are your troubles now? Forgotten? I told you so! We have no troubles here. Here life is beautiful - the girls are beautiful - even the orchestra is beautiful.

(The girl orchestra appears onstage as do the characters from the opening scene, but this time the picture and the mood are much different. The girls are not as pretty, German uniforms and twastika armbands are apparent; it is not as bright, a dream-like quality that prevails. Dissonant strains of "Willkommen" are heard. Then from 'among the moving people, we see Herr Schultz.)

SCHULTZ
Just children. Mischievous children on their way to school. You understand.

(The people move again and we see Fraulein Schneider.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I understand. One does what one must.

(Again the people move and we see Sally.)

SALLY
It'll all work out. It's only politics, and what's that got to do with us?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
I must be sensible. If the Nazis come - what other choice have I?

SCHULTZ
I know I am right - because I understand the Germans. After all, what am I? A German.

(Suddenly Sally is lifted high on a chair.)

SALLY

(Singing)

I made my mind up back in Chelsea.
When I go I'm going like Elsie.

(Sally is lowered. The people gradually fade away.)

...from cradle to tomb
Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Life is a cabaret.

(Sally disappears into the darkness - leaving the M.C. alone on the stage.)

M.C.
Auf wiedersehen!
A bientot!

(The M.C. bows, then suddenly vanishes. The stage is empty except for the street lamps, the mirror, and then, glowing in the darkness, the Cabaret sign.)

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