VOICE
On the twenty-third day of the month of September in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Little shop,
Little shoppa horrors.
Little shop,
Little shoppa terror.
Call a cop!
Little shoppa horrors.
No - oh oh no-oh!
Little shop,
Little shoppa horrors.
Bop sh'bop,
Little shoppa terror.
Watch 'em drop.
Little shoppa horrors.
No - oh oh no-oh!
Shing-a-ling,
What a creepy thing to be happening!
(Look out, look out, look out, look out!)
Shang-a-lang,
Feel the sturm and drang in the air.
(Yeah, yeah, yeah.)
Sha-la-la, stop right where you are.
Don't you move a thing.
You better,
(You better, tellin' you, you better)
Tell your mama somethin's gonna get her.
She better, (ev'rybody better) beware!
(Comma comma comma.)
Little shop,
Little shoppa horrors.
Bop sh-bop,
You'll never stop the terror.
Little shop,
Little shoppa horrors.
No! Oh oh no!

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WOMAN
Alarm goes off at seven and you start uptown.
You put in your eight hours for the powers that have always been.
(Sing it, child.)
Till it's five P.M.

BUM #1
Then you go

COMPANY
Downtown (Where the folks are broke)
Downtown (Where your life's a joke)
Downtown, (When you buy your token you go)
home to skid row. (Home to skid row.)

BUM #2
Yes, you go

COMPANY
Downtown (Where the cabs don't stop)
Downtown (Where the food is slop)
Downtown (Where the hopheads flop in the snow)
Down on skid row.

Uptown you cater to a million jerks.
Uptown you're messengers and mailroom clerks
Eating all your lunches at the hot dog carts.
The bosses take your money and they break your hearts.

And uptown you cater to a million whores.
You disinfect terrazzo on their bathroom floors.
Your morning's tribulation, afternoon's a curse
And five o'clock is even worse (That's when you go)
Downtown.

AUDREY
Where the guys are drips.

COMPANY
Downtown.

AUDREY
Where they rip your slips.

COMPANY
Downtown.

AUDREY
Where relationships are no-go.

ALL
Down on skid row. (Down on skid row).
Down on skid row. (Down on skid row).
Down on skid row. (Down on skid row).
Down on skid row.

SEYMOUR
Poor, all my life I've always been poor.
I keep asking God what I'm for,
And he tells me "Gee, I'm not sure.
Sweep that floor, kid."
Oh, I started life as an orphan, a child of the street here on skid row.
He took me in, gave me shelter, a bed, crust of bread and a job.
Treats me like dirt. Calls me a slob, which I am.
So I live -

COMPANY
Downtown.

SEYMOUR
That's your home address. Ya live -

COMPANY
Downtown.

SEYMOUR
When your life's a mess. Ya live -

COMPANY
Downtown.

SEYMOUR
Where depression's jes' status quo.

COMPANY
Down on skid row.

SEYMOUR
Someone show me a way to get outa here,
'Cause I constantly pray I'll get outa here.
Please, won't somebody say I'll get outa here.
Someone gimme my shot or I'll rot here.
Show me how and I will, I'll get outa here.
I'll start climbin' uphill and get outa here.
Someone tell me I still could get outa here.
Gee, it sure would be swell to get outa here,
Bid the gutter farewell and get outa here.
Someone tell lady luck that I'm stuck here.
I'd move heaven and hell to get outa skid,
I'd do I dunno what to get outa skid,
But a hell of a lot to get outa skid,
People tell me there's not a way outa skid,
But believe me, I've gotta get outa skid row!

COMPANY
Downtown (There's no rules for us)
Downtown, ('Cause it's dangerous)
Downtown (Where the rainbow's just a no-show)
Downtown (Where the sun don't shine)
Downtown (Past the bottom line)
Downtown (Go ask any wino, he'll know)
Downtown -
Downtown -
Downtown -
Skid row!

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CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Da-doo,

SEYMOUR
I was walkin' in the wholesale flower district that day,

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Shoop da-doo,

SEYMOUR
And I passed by this place where this old Chinese man,

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Chang da-doo,

SEYMOUR
He sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings,

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Snip da-doo,

SEYMOUR
'Cause he knows, you see, that strange plants are my hobby.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Da da da da da da-doo.

SEYMOUR
He didn't have anything unusual there that day.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Nope, da-doo,

SEYMOUR
So I was just about to, ya know, walk on by,

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Good for you,

SEYMOUR
When suddenly,

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Good for you

SEYMOUR
And without warning, there was this -

ALL
Total eclipse of the sun.

SEYMOUR
It got very dark and there was this strange humming
Sound like something from another world.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Da-doo,

SEYMOUR
And when the light came back this weird plant was just sitting there,

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Whoop-see-doo

SEYMOUR
Just, you know, stuck in, among the zinnias.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Audrey Two.

SEYMOUR
I coulda sworn it hadn't been there before,
But the old Chinese man sold it to me anyways,
For a dollar ninety-five.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Sha la la, la la la, la la la loo.

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SEYMOUR
I've given you sunshine. I've given you dirt.
You've given me nothin' but heartache and hurt.
I'm beggin' you sweetly. I'm down on my knees.
Oh, please, grow for me!
I've given you plant food and water to sip.
I've given you potash. You've given me zip.
Oh God, how I mist you! Oh pod, how you tease!
Now, please, grow for me!
I've given you southern exposure to get you to thrive.
I've pinched you back hard like I'm s'posed ta. You're barely alive.
I've tried you at levels of moisture from desert to mud.
I've given you growlights and mineral supplements.
What do you want from me? Blood?
I've given you sunlight. I've given you rain.
Looks like you're not happy 'less I open a vein.
I'll give you a few drops if that'll appease.
Now please, oh-oh-oh please, grow for me!

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MUSHNIK
I can't believe it!
It couldn't be happening!
Pinch me girls!
It couldn't be happening!
All of a sudden success coming out of the blue!

I put a sign up
Right in the front window
An advertisement
Right in the front window
Stop in and see the amazing new plant "Audrey II"

And the really remarkable thing is that people they do

Seymour, that twerp of a clutz,
Finally did something right
Audrey II drives him nuts
What a blessing this wonderful plant should exist
And should rake in the bucks for me hand over fist!

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
One day he pushed a broom
Nothing in his news but gloom and doom
Then he lit a fuse and give him room
Stand aside and watch that mothah blow
Explosion! Bang! Kerboom!
Don't it go to show ya never know?

Seymour was in a funk
He was number zero
Who'da thunk he'd become a hero?
Just a punk, he was a forgotten so-and-so
Then one day - Crash! Kerplunk!
Don't it go to show ya never know?

All the world used to screw him
Biff-wham-pow! Now, they interview him
And they clamor to put his remarks on the air
All the world used to hate him
Now they're startin' t'appreciate him
All because of that strange little plant over there

Observe him! Here's a chap
Everything is landing in his lap

AUDREY
I just cut my hand and in a snap
Something out of Edgar Allan Poe has happened.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Zam! Kazap!
Don't it go to show ya never know?

One day you're slinging hash
Feeling so rejected
Lightning flash, you get resurrected
Make a splash - now you rate the big bravissimo
And with a thundercrash -
Crash kerplunk, bam kerboom,
Zang kazunk,zam kazoom,
Zowee powee holy cow he
Ordered up a rainbow to go
Wow! Pow! Look out below!
Don't it go to show ya never know?

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AUDREY
I know Seymour's the greatest,
But I'm dating a semi-sadist.
So I got a black eye, and my arm's in a cast.
Still, that Seymour's a cutie.
Well, if not, he's got inner beauty.
And I dream of a place where we could be together at last.

A matchbox of our own,
A fence of real chain link,
A grill out on the patio,
Disposal in the sink,
A washer and a dryer
And an ironing machine
In a tract house that we share
Somewhere that's green.
He rakes and trims the grass.
He loves to mow and weed.
I cook like Betty Crocker
And I look like Donna Reed.
There's plastic on the furniture
To keep it neat and clean
In the Pine-Sol-scented air
Somewhere that's green.
Between our frozen dinner
And our bedtime, nine fifteen,
We snuggle watchin' Lucy
On our big, enormous twelve-inch screen.
I'm his December Bride.
He's Father, he knows best.
The kids play Howdy Doody
As the sun sets in the west.
A picture out of Better Homes
And Gardens magazine.
Far from Skid Row,
I dream we'll go
Somewhere that's green.

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SEYMOUR, AUDREY AND MUSHNIK
We're closed for renovation
For spiffing-up and grooming
'Cause customers are flocking
And business has been booming
We need refrigeration
In our new, improved display
So we're closed for removation
Today

We're closed for decoration
'Cause fortune has been smiling
So now we're due for painting
New plumbing and re-tiling
We'll make a ship-shape showplace
Of a little shop and then
Tomorrow we'll be open
Again

We're closed for renovation
For swabbing-down and brooming
'Cause business has been thriving
Since Audrey Two's been blooming
The phones have not stopped ringing
With the customers who say

SEYMOUR
Another bunch of peonies

AUDREY
Another dozen daisies, please

SEYMOUR
Geraniums, anemones

AUDREY
Forget-me-nots and fleur-de-lis

MUSHNIK
With gratis home deliveries

SEYMOUR, AUDREY AND MUSHNIK
On paid-in-fulls and C.O.D.'s
We're closed for renovation
Today!

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ORIN
When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
My mama noticed funny things I did,
Like shootin' puppies with a B.B. gun.
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head.
That's when my mama said

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
What did she say?

ORIN
She said, "My boy, I think someday,
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay.
You'll be a dentist. You have a talent for causin' things pain.
Son, be a dentist. People will pay you to be inhumane.
Your temp'rament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist. You'll be a success.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Here he is, folks: the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas! Oh, my god!
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good.
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
Oh that hurts! I'm not numb!

ORIN
Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come!
I am your dentist

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Goodness gracious!

ORIN
And I enjoy the career that I picked.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Love it.

ORIN
I am your dentist

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Fitting braces -

ORIN
And I get off on the pain I inflict.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Really love it.

ORIN
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid.
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted.
And though it may cause my patients distress,
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me. Oh, mama.
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success.
Say ah! Say ah! Say ah! Now spit.

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MUSHNIK
He'll think about it? He'll think about it!

SEYMOUR
I don't like that guy, Mr. Mushnik. And you should hear the way he talks to Audrey.

MUSHNIK
Gott in himmel, no! The kid just said he'd mull it over!

SEYMOUR
No wonder she looks so unhealthy. It's enough to make you sick!

MUSHNIK
If he left me, if Seymour left me -
Why then I'd be right back where I started
Which was broke and starving.

SEYMOUR
Sweet and good and beautiful as she is, she deserves a prince not a sadistic creep like him.

MUSHNIK
Close to bankrupt!

SEYMOUR
What a louse!

MUSHNIK
Beset, befuddled and bereft -
That's what I'd be if Seymour left!

SEYMOUR
He's a disgrace to the dental profession!

MUSHNIK
Seymour!

SEYMOUR
Sir!

MUSHNIK
Seymour.
How would you like to be my son?
How would you like to be my own adopted boy?
I never liked him much before,
But count the cash that's in the drawer
I've got no choice - I'm much too poor -
Say yes.

SEYMOUR
What for?

MUSHNIK
Seymour, I want to be your dad
I want to see you climbing up my family tree
I used to think you left a stench
But now I see that you're a mench
So I'm proposing be my son

"Mushnik and Son" sounds great
Three words with the ring of fate
So, say you'll incorporate with me
A florist's dream come true
Mushnik and his boychik, you!
What business we'll do for F.T.D.

How 'bout it, Seymour? Be my son!
Just say the word. I'll get me lawyer on the phone.

SEYMOUR
Now, Mr. Mushnik don't be rash.
You always said that I was trash!

MUSHNIK
Oh, I was joking.

SEYMOUR
Sir, I'm choking!

MUSHNIK
'Scuse the physical expression of my pride
Of the sweet, paternal mishegas I've held pent up inside

SEYMOUR
Gee!

MUSHNIK
So?

SEYMOUR
Well.

MUSHNIK
Well?

SEYMOUR
I...

MUSHNIK
You?
Go ahead and say it, Seymour.
Tell me that you will!

SEYMOUR
Gee, I'd really like to but...

MUSHNIK
I'd hold my breath until -

SEYMOUR
Ok, you win! I'll be your son!

MUSHNIK
Hurray! I win! He'll be my son!

SEYMOUR
Draw up the papers, Dad. I'm touched. I really am!
And when you reach age eighty-three
I'll let you come move in with me

MUSHNIK
You swear?

SEYMOUR
I promise.

MUSHNIK
What a son!

SEYMOUR AND MUSHNIK
In trouble sickness and in health
We'll share the plant and share the wealth
I'll call my lawyer.

SEYMOUR
Call me son!

MUSHNIK
Son!

SEYMOUR
Son!

SEYMOUR AND MUSHNIK
Mushnik and Son, that's that.

SEYMOUR
Officially, I'm your brat.

SEYMOUR AND MUSHNIK
Consider the matter closed and done
Now to the world let's stick
Our senior and junior shtick
Through thin and through thick
Through sloppy and slick

SEYMOUR
So come kiss me quick

MUSHNIK
Please, don't make me sick

SEYMOUR AND MUSHNIK
Mushnik and Son!

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AUDREY II
Feed me! Feed me! Feed me!
Feed me, Seymour.
Feed me all night long.
That's right, boy!
You can do it!
Feed me, Seymour.
Feed me all night long.
'Cause if you feed me, Seymour
I can grow up big and strong.

Would you like a Cadillac car?
Or a guest shot on Jack Paar?
How about a date with Hedy Lamarr?
You gonna git it.
How would you like to be a big wheel,
Dinin' out for every meal?
I'm the plant to make it all real!
You gonna git it.

Hey, I'm your genie, I'm your friend.
I'm your willing slave.
Take a chance. Just feed me, and
You know what kinda eats,
The kinda red hot treats,
The kinda sticky-licky sweets I crave.
Come on, Seymour, don't be a putz.
Trust me and your life will surely rival King Tut's.
Show a little initiative, boy. Work up some guts
And you'll git it.

SEYMOUR
I don't know. I don't know.
I have so, so many strong reservations.
Should I go and perform mutilations?

AUDREY II
Think about a room at the Ritz,
Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz.
A little nookie gonna clean up those zits
And you'll git it.

SEYMOUR
Gee, I'd like a Harley machine,
Toolin' around like I was James Dean,
Makin' all the guys on the corner turn green.

AUDREY II
So go git it.
And if you wanna be profound,
And you really got to justify,
Take a breath and look around.
A lot of folks deserve to die.

ORIN
Stupid woman. Christ, what a friggin' scatterbrain.

AUDREY
I'm sorry, doctor.

SEYMOUR AND AUDREY II
If you want a rationale,
It isn't very hard to see,
Stop and think it over, pal.
The guy sure looks like plant foot to me.
The guy sure looks like plant food to me.
The guy sure looks like plant food to me.

SEYMOUR
He's so nasty, treatin' her rough,

AUDREY II
Smackin' her around and always talkin' so tough.

SEYMOUR
You need blood and he's got more than enough.

AUDREY II
I need blood and he's got more than enough.

SEYMOUR AND AUDREY II
You/I need blood and he's got more than enough.

AUDREY II
So go git it!

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SEYMOUR
Now! Do it now!
While he's gassing himself to a palpable stupor
The timing's ideal and the moment is super
To ready and fire and blow the sick bastard away
Now! Do it now!
Just a flicker of pressure, right here on the trigger
And Audrey won't have to put up with that pig for another day
Now - for the girl!
Now - for the plant!
Now - yes I will!...but I can't.

ORIN
Don't be fooled if I should giggle
Like a sapy, happy dope
It's just the gas, it's got me high
But don't let that fact deceive you
Any moment I could die
Though I giggle and I chortle,
Bear in mind I'm not immortal
Why this whole thing strikes me funny
I don't know - 'Cause it really is a rotten way to go.

SEYMOUR
What we have here is an ethical dillema
'Less I help him get the mask removed,
He doesn't have a prayer
True the gun was never fired,
But the way events transpired,
I can finish him with simple laissez faire

ORIN
Don't be fooled if I should chuckle
Like hyenas in a zoo
It's just the gas, it turns me on
But don't let my mirth deceive you
Any moment I'll be gone
All my vital signs are failing
'Cause the oxide I'm inhaling
Makes it difficult as hell to catch my breath
Are you dumb or hard of hearing?
Or relived my end is nearing?
Are you satisfied? I laughed myself to...

SEYMOUR
Death.

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AUDREY
Now, you were saying?
Flowers for a prom corsage?

SEYMOUR
Flowers for an entourage?

AUDREY
Flowers to the funeral home?

SEYMOUR
Leaving from St. Andrew's Roman
Catholic Church at Ninth and Vine?

AUDREY
Forty dollars. Hold the line.

SEYMOUR
First thing in the morning.

AUDREY
Fine.

SEYMOUR
There'll be there in the morning!

AUDREY
Can you hold?
The Rose Bowl!
Seymour, the Rose Bowl!
You know that big,
Inflated estimate we wrote?
For the Rose Bowl?
Well, it's the Rose Bowl!
It seems they want to buy
The flowers here
For every single float!
You can't keep the tournament waiting!

SEYMOUR

(Simultaneously)

Mushik & Son,
Please hold,
It's just as the plant foretold.
It's business like who'd have ever guessed.
That was me!
That was me!
On channel three!

AUDREY

(Simultaneously)

Can you hold?
Can you hold?
Just a minute
Mushnik & Son,
Please wait,
The business is doing great.
So, why am I feeling so depressed?

Seven thousand boutonnieres?

SEYMOUR
Please, I've only got two ears!

AUDREY
Hollyhocks are hardier,
Which ones would your wife prefer?

SEYMOUR
Were you waiting long?
I'm sorry sir!

AUDREY
Seymour, that reporter -

SEYMOUR
Her? I thought we finished yesterday.

AUDREY
She wants another interview
Said to bring the plant with you.

SEYMOUR
Audrey, it's that new account.

AUDREY
Sorry, that's the right amount

SEYMOUR
Daisies only come in white

AUDREY
Sir, I'm too worn out to fight

SEYMOUR
Sorry, those are out of stock.

AUDREY
Seymour! Look! It's six o'clock!

SEYMOUR
Call back in the morning, will you?

AUDREY
Call back in the morning, won't you?

SEYMOUR
Call back in the morning, can you?

AUDREY
Call back in the morning, thank you!

SEYMOUR AND AUDREY
Call back in the morning!

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SEYMOUR
Lift up your head.
Wash off your mascara.
Here, take my Kleenex.
Wipe that lipstick away. Show me your face,
Clean as the mornin'.
I know things were bad,
But now they're okay.
Suddenly Seymour
Is standin' beside you.
You don't need no makeup,
Don't have to pretend.
Suddenly Seymour
Is here to provide you
Sweet understanding.
Seymour's your friend.

AUDREY
Nobody ever treated me kindly.
Daddy left early.
Mama was poor.
I'd meet a man and I'd follow him blindly.
He'd snap his fingers.
Me, I'd say "sure."
Suddenly Seymour
Is standin' beside me.
He don't give me orders.
He don't condescend.
Suddenly Seymour
Is here to provide me
Sweet understanding.
Seymour's my friend.

SEYMOUR
Tell me this feelin'll last till forever.
Tell me the bad times are clean washed away.

AUDREY
Please understand that it's still strange and fright'nin'.
For losers like I've been it's so hard to say:
Suddenly Seymour,

SEYMOUR
Suddenly Seymour,

AUDREY
He purified me.

SEYMOUR
He purified you.

AUDREY
Suddenly Seymour -

SEYMOUR
Suddenly Seymour -

AUDREY
He showed me I can.

SEYMOUR
Yes, you can!

AUDREY
Learn how to be more

SEYMOUR
Learn how to be more

AUDREY
The girl that's inside me

SEYMOUR
The girl that's inside you

AUDREY
With sweet understanding,

SEYMOUR
With sweet understanding,

AUDREY
With sweet understanding,

SEYMOUR
With sweet understanding,

BOTH
With sweet understanding,
Seymour's my/your man!

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AUDREY II
He's got your number now.
He knows just what you've done.
You've got no place to hide,
You've got nowhere to run.
He knows your life of crime.
I think it's suppertime.
Come on, come on,
Think about all those offers.
Come on, come on,
Your future with Audrey.
Come on, come on,
Ain't no time to turn squeamish.
Come on, come on,
I swear on all my spores,
When he's gone the world will be yours, yours. (Yeah, yeah, yeah.)
Come on, come on. Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
It's suppertime.
It's suppertime. Come on, come on. Come on, come on.
Come on, come on. It's suppertime.
It's suppertime. Suppertime.

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BERNSTEIN
Seymour Krelbourn, you prince, you
My name is Bernstein, I'm with N.B.C.
I came down here to convince you
To do a weekly T.V. show for me
Seymour Krelbourn's gardening tips
For half an hour on Sundays at four
T.V.'s first home-gardening program
You'll make a mint and our ratings will soar

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
They say the meek shall inherit.
You know the book doesn't lie.
It's not a question of merit.
It's not demand and supply.
They say the meek gonna get it,
And you a meek little guy.
You know the meek are gonna get
What's comin' to 'em by and by.

SKIP SNIP
Forget the cable we sent you
It's nice to meet me, the pleasure is yours
Now let me firm represent you
We want to book you on lecturing tours
College campus. Rotary Club
The kind of bookings my office can do
Show the plant, then talk, answer questions
It's educational, lucrative, too.

SEYMOUR
My future's starting. I've got to let it.
Stick with that plant, and gee, my bank account will thrive.
What am I saying? No way! Forget it!
It's much too dangerous to keep that plant alive.
I take these offers, that means more killing.
Who knew success would come with messy, nasty strings?
I sign these contracts, that means I'm willing
to keep on doing bloody, awful, evil things.
No! No! There's only so far you can bend.
No! No! This nightmare must come to an end.
No! No! You've got no alternative, Seymour old boy.
Though it means you'll be broke again and unemployed,
It's the only solution. It can't be avoided:
The veg'table must be destroyed.

But then there's Audrey, lovely Audrey.
If life were tawdry and impov'rished as before,
She might not like me, she might not want me.
Without my plant, she might not love me anymore

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
They say the meek shall inherit.

SEYMOUR
Where do I sign?

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
You know the book doesn't lie.

SKIP SNIP
Right on the line.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
It's not a question of merit.

SKIP SNIP
That'll do fine.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
It's not demand and supply.

SKIP SNIP
This copy's mine.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
You'll make a fortune, we swear it,

SKIP SNIP
Couldn't go wrong.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
If on this fact you rely:

SKIP SNIP
Bye bye. So long.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to 'em,
You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to 'em,
You know the meek are gonna get what's comin' to 'em
By and by.

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AUDREY
I couldn't sleep.
I took a Sominex,
But voices in my head kept saying,
"Go to Seymour. Talk to Seymour."
I drank some tea,
But, gee, the feeling wasn't gone.
Seymour, sweetheart,
Tell me, darling,
What's been going on?

AUDREY II
Hey, little lady, hello.
You're lookin' cute as can be.
You're lookin' mighty sweet.
No, it ain't Seymour - it's me!
Your friendly Audrey Two.
This plant is talking to you.

Come on and give me a drink!
Hey, little lady, be nice.
Sure do, I'll drink it straight.
Don't need no glass or no ice.
Don't need no twist of lime.
And now it's suppertime!

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SEYMOUR
Audrey! Are you all right?

AUDREY
Yes! No.

SEYMOUR
Don't die, Audrey. I need you. Please, please, don't die.

AUDREY
Ya know, the plant said the strangest thing just now. It said that Orin and Mr. Mushnik were already inside.

SEYMOUR
It's true. I did it. I fed them to it.

AUDREY
And that's what made it so big and strong and you so famous?

SEYMOUR
I've done terrible things but not to you - never to you.

AUDREY
But I want you to, Seymour.

SEYMOUR
What?

AUDREY
When I die, which should be very shorlty, give me to the plant so that it can live and bring you all the wonderful things you deserve.

SEYMOUR
You don't know what you're saying!

AUDREY
But I do. It's the one gift I can give you. And if I'm in the plant, then I'm part of the plant. So in a way, we'll always be together.
You'll wash my tender leaves
You'll smell sweet perfume
You'll water me, and care for me
You'll see me bud and bloom
I'm feeling strangely happy now
Contented and serene
Oh, don't you see
Finally, I'll be
Somewhere that's green.

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SCIENTIST
I've got a truck load of pots outside. If you don't mind we'll start taking cuttings right now. Imagine, boy. Audrey II's everywhere. Why with the right advertising it could be bigger than hula hoops!

SEYMOUR
Bigger than hula hoops?

AUDREY II
Much bigger!

SEYMOUR
Every household in America. Thousands of you eating. That's what you had in mind, wasn't it?

AUDREY II
No shit, Sherlock.

SEYMOUR
We're not talking about one hungry plant. We're talking world conquest.

AUDREY II
And I wanna thank you.

SEYMOUR
You're a monster and so am I.

AUDREY II
Feed me.

SEYMOUR
You ate the only thing I ever loved!

AUDREY II
Too bad!

SEYMOUR
Take that!

AUDREY II
HAHAHA!

SEYMOUR
And that!

AUDREY II
HAHAHA!

SEYMOUR
And that, and that, and that, and that, and that!

AUDREY II
Give up, Krelbourn.

SEYMOUR
Never! Here! Rat poison! Eat that! Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it!

AUDREY II
Give up small fry.

SEYMOUR
Maybe your tough on the out side, but in there, in that pod I'll hack you to bits. I'll get you from the inside. Now open up. Open up, open up, open up!

AUDREY II
Ahhhh.

SEYMOUR
Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

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CRYSTAL, RONNETTE AND CHIFFON
Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,
Similar events in cities across America,
Events which bore a striking resemblance
To the ones you have just seen, began occurring.
Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,
Unsuspecting jerks from Maine to California
Made the acquaintance of a new breed of flytrap
And got sweet-talked into feeding it blood.
Thus the plants worked their terrible will,
Finding jerks who would feed them their fill.
And the plants proceeded to grow and grow,
And begin what they came here to do,
Which was essentially to eat Cleveland
And Des Moines and Peoria and New York...
AND WHERE YOU LIVE!
They may offer you fortune and fame, love and money and instant acclaim.
But whatever they offer you, don't feed the plants.
They may offer you lots of cheap thrills, dates and discos in Beverly Hills.
But whatever they offer you, don't feed the plants.
Look out! Here comes Audrey Two.
Look out! Here I come for you.
(Here I come for you.)
Here I come for you.
(Here I come for you.)
Hold your hat and hang on to your soul.
Something's coming to eat the world whole.
If we fight it we've still got a chance.
But whatever they offer you,
though they're slopping the trough for you,
please, whatever they offer you, don't feed the plants.
(We'll have tomorrow.)
Don't feed the plants.

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